Coyote Song: Collected Poems and Selected Art of Carlos Cortez / Carlos Cortez

Coyote Song: Collected Poems and Selected Art of Carlos Cortez / Carlos Cortez

Cortez is the Chicano elder I've always wanted and never knew I had. An anarchist, labor union activist, environmentalist who built relationships with indigenous groups and celebrated his own indigenous roots, who wrote with clarity, craft, and fury, mentoring young poets and artists, who would mass print any of his artworks when the art world tried to jack up their price and make it inaccessible to the common person. Ah! The poems here have me so much love, delight, and gusto. I went to the 100 year celebration of his life and was moved by the memories of him shared by loved ones, scholars, and comrades. I'll be throwing this book at my peeps for sure. 5/5

M to (WT)F / Samantha Allen / 2020

M to (WT)F / Samantha Allen / 2020

This book is sold as a comedic take on the unexpected aspects of transitioning to a trans women. Allen goes through the trouble of even arguing that trans folks are not overly tender and can take jokes and do laugh at hilarious jokes written about their experiences that don't punch down. She then follows with an extremely tender queer, sweet, and at best playful telling of her rather cookie cutter transition narrative as a well off middle class white woman. While it was well written, the only new thing this book made me consider is that people without with vulvas pee with a lot less ability to direct urine than people with penises. I only laughed once or twice and was largely disappointed by this book, especially Allen's tangent defending Chad's from jokes about the Chad stereotype. Not very funny. So very white. 2/5

eing Seen: A Deaf Blind Women's Fight to End Ableism / Elsa Sjunneson / 2021

Being Seen: A Deaf Blind Women's Fight to End Ableism / Elsa Sjunneson / 2021

I'm deeply grateful Melissa recommended this book to me. I am skeptical of memoirs that narrate the trauma of [insert historically marginalized group] and argue for representation in an overly sentimental fashion. Maybe I felt burned by the asexual book I read. This book was radically different, extremely insightful, and managed to make the expected arguments for representation with much greater stakes than usual. Elsa dives between memoir, historical essays, media studies analyses with a choppy step perhaps. Chapters proceed somewhat haphazardly and the organization seems a little smorgasbord rather than building in the cleanest way. However, this barely weakens the tremendous insights of Being Seen. Elsa's blunt and at times bitter narration is also extremely determined and painfully kind. I'm incredibly grateful Sjunneson is helping those of us newer to accessibility catch up and I'll be seeking more disabled literature in this mode, hoping to keep breaking down my inherited ableism and find new worlds of imagination in literature and art, as well as care work strategies and ethos. 4.5/5

El Rey of Gold Teeth / Reyes Ramirez / 2023

El Rey of Gold Teeth / Reyes Ramirez / 2023

A striking contribution to the poetry of the Central American diaspora, Ramirez wrestles with a heritage of toxic masculinity and writes poems that unpack the weight of colonization, the climate crisis, and loss. Reyes intentionally codeswitches in a staggering, sometimes awkward manner that some readers will find jarring and cacophonous. I did, but for me, this move was obviously purposeful and amplified the pain and longing in Reyes work. The trip of the tongue is a trip I experienced many times in my lifetime of losing and acquiring my Spanish. The collection includes perfect poems about la pulga, an elementary school dance party, a mother's stern advice, pupusas, and more. It's neatly knitted together with 3 or so different series, a clean interweaving of cosmic and climate metaphors, and a soft but pointed voice moving with control and sturdiness. This book is also the first book I chose for this little book club I've started in Chicago. It moved me frequently, with image dense contrapuntals about kittens surviving a hurricane and a series of poems about how the father passed down a troubled masculinity.

3.5/5

The Best Barbarian / Roger Reeves / 2023

The Best Barbarian / Roger Reeves / 2023

Through a postcolonial remix of Grendel and a poems steeped in animality, Roger Reeves carves out a vision of resistance and rootedness that growls and howls and yowls with its pain between its teeth. Absolutely gorgeous lines will make the temperature of your body drop and rise with its gallop with poems ranging from police brutality to the violence in Palestine and more. There's a set of jazz improvisation poems that lose me a bit but they deliver punchlines and Roger is never ever ever offbeat. I wanna read his nonfiction next. 4.5/5

Dear Lin / Lin Flores / 2023

Dear Lin / Lin Flores / 2023

Visually stunning. Lin nailed the interplay between word and image. Lin writes in the vulnerable, direct confessional mode they have honed. A lot bubbles beneath the surface of these lines in terms of healing with Lin being perhaps gentle on themself and in turn gentle with the reader. The result is calming and centering, a deep purple breath exhaled into the spread. I've lately been on the hunt for poetry that can be enjoyed high. Dear Lin would be a good collection for that list. Visually 5/5 poetry 3/5

The New Huey P. Newton Reader / Huey P. Newton / 2019

The New Huey P. Newton Reader / Huey P. Newton / 2019

An excellent follow-up to my Fanon reading, this anthology made me laugh harder at The Boondocks scenes etched into my mind when I realized how excellently Aaron McGruder satirized Newton's voice in Huey. Reading this reader filled a lot of gaps in my knowledge of the Black Freedom Movement and its communist heritage. It introduced me to dialectical materialism and revolutionary intercommunalism, some of the scuffles between Black intellectuals, and gave me a thorough sense of how much of the Black political heritage has been robbed from us by US racist propaganda in our schools. To read that Newton and the Panthers had already wrestled through so much of the common challenges of organizing was a tad frustrating as I realized how useful it would've been to have read this all much earlier. I'm committed to learning more about socialism and communism now, and I am contemplating how the queer and pox socialist heritages have been largely severed by AIDS, crack and the death and displacement of the revolutionary wars in Central America. Some of the latest writings get a little weird or at least become less mind-blowing so I'm landing at a 4.5 out of 5.

Never Whistle in The Night: An Indigenous Dark Fiction Anthology / edited byShane Hawk and Theodore C. Van Alst Jr. / 2023

Never Whistle in The Night: An Indigenous Dark Fiction Anthology / edited byShane Hawk and Theodore C. Van Alst Jr. / 2023

I admittedly came into this anthology hoping for Stephen Graham Jones level fiction. His forward is better than most of the short stories in this uneven collection. The best stories are "The Ones Who Killed Us" by Brandon Hobson, "Sundays" by David H. W. W. , "Hunger" by Pheonix Boudreau, and "The Preppers" by Morgan Talty. At its worst, descriptions of blatant racist mistreatment attempts to pass off for horror and plot holes defeat the illusion or allure of the stories. A few even engage in a sort of stereotyping misrepresentation of their own spiritual cultures to create horror in a way that only feels inches away from a cursed native burial ground trope, something I hoped this book would save readers from. I'm surprised there's no skinwalkers mentioned. I know there might be a taboo going on here, but the Paiutes I knew could joke about skinwalkers on microphones at pow wows, so I expected horror stories to be okay. "Sundays" confronts the child sexual abuse in boarding schools with a careful, brutal story of one man's attempt at vengeance. "The Prepper" puts us in the head of an incarcerated man who narrates the intergenerational trauma, mental illness and delusion that lead him on a killing spree. "Hunger" perhaps fails in that it reduces the predatory nature of a white frat boy trope to a sort of demonic possession. The protagonist is saved by a deus ex machina essentially and it was disappointing the way a surprising amount of the these authors relied on this move. That said, it was so captivating I didn't even mind much. I expected better from Rebecca Roanhorse and Tommy Orange, but their stories were competently written. 3/5

Sexuality Beyond Consent: Risk, Race, Traumatophilia / Avgi Saketopoulou / 2023

Sexuality Beyond Consent: Risk, Race, Traumatophilia / Avgi Saketopoulou / 2023

Boy howdy! This was a provocative and difficult book to read. Saketopoulou turns her gaze to the taboo--from BDSM practices like rape play and slave play to Nazi eroticism--to discuss how the opacity of their shocking content grapples in sometimes useful but more importantly soulful and human ways with historic and personal traumas and how this grappling can lead to states of overwhelm that have the potential of reconstituting the self for better and for worse. It's daring and risky work and along the way Saketopoulou manages to fit in very worthwhile insights. Take her powerful breakdown of our culture's traumatophobia--its constant attempts to heal, repress or freeze trauma--in opposition to traumatophilia, wherein the traumatized person acknowledges the impossibility of returning to their former innocence and returns to the wounds of their trauma to find new ways of relating to it. Or take her insightful critique of the neoliberal transactional nature of affirmative consent and the possibilities of limit consent, where the parties agree to open themselves to the unknown of experience, risking discomfort yes but also gaining profound self-knowledge and experience at times. Both of these explosively paradigm shifting moves are teased out throughout the book with the attention and care they deserve, using rich and difficult art, case studies, and the author's own relationship and experience to both as the playing ground where all the kinks and wrinkles are teased out rather convincingly. While some of Saketopoulou's insights aren't exactly new to those of us engaged in conversations about these topics--social justice oriented folks are aware of a number of critiques of affirmative consent and talk about these at length even as we propagandize and use it as a beginner level basis in sex education--Saketopoulou weaves insights about consent, trauma, and healing in a unifying and sweeping vision and conversation. This is immensely useful, even if you're not a fan of psychoanalytic theory. My patience with Saketopoulou’s jargon and the nooks and crannies of her academic discourse largely paid off for the ways she bolstered my understanding of things I've only intuitively understood the limits of healing and the nature of trauma and for the frankly troubling, freaky but familiar content. While horrifying, the taboos and traumas Saketopoulou discusses aren't exactly uncommon.

As far as missteps go, there's a few, however. There's a rather unflattering moment where Saketopuolou reads a man's erection as a signal of an uncomplicated signal of his erotic excitement, despite his claims to the contrary. It's male survivor 101 that erections are a physiological response and not necessarily indicative of consent. While this misstep doesn't shatter Saketopoulou’s argument in context, it's hurtful and a breach of trust in a book where the reader needs A LOT of trust in the author as she puts traumatic and sometimes vomit-inducing content under the microscope again and again. While I dig Saketopoulou’s argumentative defenses of space play in bdsm communities, I wish she would have created more space for the interrogation of desire. No matter how heinous, it is my belief that desire is ethically neutral. It's what we do with that desire that steps us into the domain of ethics. One of the things I love most about queerness and being queer is its questioning of desire. While no one is necessarily wrong for desiring x or y, queer communities have taught me to question and turn over the why of my desires. While I get that folks with rape and/or slave kinks may have to deal with a lot of scrutiny of their desire, not all of this scrutiny is unwarranted. I don't take for granted anyone's professed self-knowledge because being marginalized doesn't mean you are granted with an innate sense of what is best for you. Each of us grapples and fumbles our way towards that, sometimes with greater conviction and justification than others.

I do not recommend this book to the faint of heart. Seriously, stay away. If you're interesting in grappling with trauma and difficult questions regarding consent, trauma, and race, hit me up after you've read this. There's a lot to unpack here. ⅘

The Brown Church: Five Centuries of Latino/a Social Justice, Theology, and Identity / Robert Chao Romero / 2020

The Brown Church: Five Centuries of Latino/a Social Justice, Theology, and Identity / Robert Chao Romero / 2020

I was recommended this book by one of my besties, and in general, there’s a part of me that does miss the clarity of a holy sense of purpose in the world in the religious sense, so I entered the book an eager participant, but was somewhat quickly and maybe rather unsurprisingly spat out. Romero is attempting to straddle several different audiences: ethnic studies peeps, theology peeps, homies in the pews, and other Christians at large. If you are a white Christian or a person of color assimilated into the white Christian experience looking to understand the Latino Christian experience, this is an excellent book for you. Hopefully, you’ll love it and consider it a 4 to 5/5. If you are on the dangerous path of thinking Ted Cruz makes a lot of sense, hopefully this book can pull you back into a more Christlike path. That’s because what the book does most excellently and the thing that truly makes it worthwhile is the genealogy it carves out for the Latin American/Latinx churchgoer. Romero traces the social justice legacy of the Latinx church going as far back as Bartolomé de las Casas through Sor Juana to Santo Romero and the sanctuary movement. Gathering the stories of these Latin American Christians and articulating their shared legacy and inspiring contributions is necessary work in the canon building of our history. Here, Romero does an excellent job also holding these saints to task for their missteps. He mentions De Las Casas anti-Black mistakes, for example. In a similar move, he doesn’t sugarcoat the tragedy of Sor Juana’s last years and death, where she repudiated her past feminism and died silenced and shamed into submission by the Catholic church, erased by history until her work was rediscovered in the 1950s by feminists. While Romero is invested in weaving a narrative meant to inspire not just cultural interest, but also Christian conversion, you can feel him strain against these messier moments. For me at least, these messier moments reveal so much more about the people and Christianity’s institutions. Is Sor Juana’s story an inspiring story about a woman’s bravery fighting against patriarchy in Christianity? Or is it a crushing tale about the feminist freedom that is yet to be possible and perhaps literally impossible within the Catholic church and similar structures?

If you are like me-- interested but already damaged by and thereby suspicious of religion--you will likely be disappointed. One of the most baffling and egregious missteps where Romero truly lets down all of his audiences comes from his omission of syncretism. Syncretism is “the amalgamation or attempted amalgamation of different religions, cultures, or schools of thought.” Syncretism is a crucial part of the story of Latin American Christianity-- for both Black and Native people-and Romero just doesn’t bother even mentioning it. I’m left to conjecture here, but I believe he does this 1) because he doesn’t want Latin American Christianity to seem “less” Christian than Western Christianity and 2) because he’s a bit anti-indigenous and antiblack. This misstep is gigantic because it’s just common knowledge in ethnic studies and becomes emblematic of his other missteps, such as when he fails to talk about the indigenous history behind Juan Diego and La Virgin de Guadalupe and in effect erases Chichimeca deity Tonantzin. A more honest engagement with non-Christian folk traditions and the cosmovision of Mexico Profundo (again another common knowledge text in ethnic studies) would have been so much more interesting and fruitful for understanding the so-called brown church. Romero buys into the outdated conception of mestizaje, referring to himself as la raza cosmica in the book and literally detailing his DNA results in a move that flattens identity and belonging to mere blood. Although he acknowledges the anti-Black history of the mestizaje elsewhere, Romero fails to rigorously conceptualize race throughout the project. Romero tries (in maybe two pages) to theorize a “brown” identity somehow uniting all Latinos with Natives, Arabs, Asians, presumably some Black folks, and even Eastern Europeans. The sheer arrogance and carelessness of this move is stunning. By the end of the book, the word “brown” is still rather empty of significant meaning and seems mostly there to portray a false unity between disparate people with different relationships to Christianity and their own non-whiteness. My global south peers, especially in South Asia, take issue with being asked to identify themselves against whiteness when their shades of brown aren't conspicuous where they're from. They don't think about themselves against a white backdrop the way Latinos do. Romero proclaims this book to be about “the global Brown Church” then leaves out rich Black, Pacific Islander, Middle Eastern, and Asian Christian thought. It is stunningly slipshod for a so called academic text.

While I can appreciate framing Jesus as a brown man from the hood, his constant mapping of Galilee onto LA has strong disconnected youth pastor vibes. He might as well had sat with his baseball cap backwards and talked about how Lin-Manuel Miranda is his favorite rapper. If he could keep this attempt at inclusivity consistent, I might not have faulted him on it, but he calls the Virgin Mary a single mother, something which is both factually incorrect and a slap in the face of Joseph and other adoptive parents. He uses ableist metaphors unbecoming of an ethnic studies scholar. And worst of all, he fails to ever explicitly mention LGBTQ+ communities. This last omission especially practically guarantees the failure of his project because homophobia is a major reason young people abandon religion. For me, this book was a ⅖ at best. I'm still waiting on the day for Christians to forsake the colonizer logic behind their missionary work and be more Christlike.

Out There Screaming: Am Anthology of New Black Horror / Edited by Jordan Peele / 2023

Out There Screaming: Am Anthology of New Black Horror / Edited by Jordan Peele / 2023

This is a solid collection of horror with a couple misses. I know this is a hot take, but I'm still not convinced by the work of NK Jemison or Rebecca Roanhorse, whose work always feels competent but never as rigorous as the clout implies. The excellent stories in this collection include “The Aesthete” by Justin C. Key, “Invasion of the Baby Snatchers” by Lesley Nneka Arimah, “The Wandering Devil” by Cadwell Turnbull, “Dark Home” by Nnedi Okorafor, and “Your Happy Place” by Terrance Taylor. At its best, this collection imagines how technological advancements amplify the horrors of the prison industrial complex, as in Taylor's story, or the intersection of race and AI, as in Key's. The weight of intergenerational trauma and destiny is confronted, as in Okorafor and Turnbull's story. Arimah's story blew me away with its swift and terrifying worldbuilding of terrifying alien Invasion, where the lack of context didn't mess with the enjoyment at all. At its worst, the collection employs deus ex machinas and pursues blunt racial violence in a hamfisted way that definitely sucks but doesn't feel artfully horrifying. I realize I struggle with Black fiction, like Ta-Nehesi Coates’, where the author adds a magical element to Black history to explain the horror of racism or the wonder of people's resilience. I don't think it does justice to the lives lived in eras of struggle or illuminates much about their experiences. I also struggle with how authors of color rub against the magical Negro or otherwise exotic other trope in horror and fantasy, especially when actual magical and ritualistic practices in our communities are so frequently misrepresented, appropriated, and actually difficult to find authentic versions of. Even so, I was still convinced by Turnbull's story, Okorafor's story, and “The Strongest Obeah Woman in the World” by Nalo Hopkinson. This collection ends with a story analyzing the white psychology and villainization of whiteness called “Origin Story” by Tochi Onyebuchi. This story feels like it was written by a talented undergrad. Its insights into white identity development aren't that profound. It also has a snobbish experimental form as a meta-story where the characters are aware they are characters. It was a weird ass note for an anthology of Black horror to end on. This horror collection is more even footed than the last one I read though. Let's call it 3.5/5.

Poets and Prophets of the Resistance: Intellectuals and the Origins of the Salvadoran Civil War / Joaquín M. Chavez / 2017

Poets and Prophets of the Resistance: Intellectuals and the Origins of the Salvadoran Civil War / Joaquín M. Chavez / 2017

This book is everything I wanted and more. It unbraids the tangle of historical movements fighting for justice in El Salvador during its revolutionary era, providing clarity where led savvy and untrained political thinkers only see chaos. It draws out the history of university militants, liberation theologians and their flocks, campesino organizers, and more in their respective and crossing paths for change, be it through electoral politics, armed resistance, or otherwise. The conversations and tensions between these groups is illuminating, especially since most history paints the Salvadoran conflict as a Cold War battle with US and Israel supporting the dictatorship and Cuba and Russia supporting the FMLN. The recovery of the different ideologies at play in the resistance is key to a deeper understanding of how we got to where we are now and how we can try to do better. It was illuminating for example to learn of Che Guevara's dismissal of revolutionary possibility in El Salvador, in part because the country lacks enough mountains for guerillas to retreat in, and how leftist militias built broader based coalitions to sustain the revolution, adapting Vietnamese and Maoist strategies. It was illuminating to learn of the debates surrounding Roque Dalton's death, where militarized and dogmatic rooted peasant revolutionaries bristled against the influence of cosmopolitan petit bourgeoisie they felt was attempting to hijack the revolution because they did not want a Cuban and Soviet revolution, but a Salvadoran one. This book holds the pain, paranoia, and horrors of people who literally sacrificed everything in an attempt to forge a brighter future for El Salvador. I'm immensely grateful to Chavez for his work. Alongside Unforgetting by Lovato, this book is key to understanding El Salvador and especially illuminated my understanding of the political forces at play. There's plenty of people and areas of research I will continue to research where Chavez has pointed me. 5/5

Book Reviews / 2022

intro

In 2022, I gave myself the goal of writing micro-reviews for every book I read. In total, I made it through 80 books. 11% were fiction, 7.5% were YA or middle-grade, 48.7% were children’s books, 10% were nonfiction, 22.5% were poetry. If you remove the children’s books, I only read 41 books, which isn’t bad considering I worked overtime a lot and had two children I was raising. Still, I know it’s paltry compared to most literati and academics. This doesn’t include books I haven’t finished yet or won’t bother to finish and roughly covers my reading from December 2021 to November 2022.

Of the 84 authors, 55.9% identify as cis women, 41.6% identify as cis men, 2.3% identify as non-binary or otherwise gender diverse. Of the 84 authors, 57% identify as white, 11.9% as Black, 9.5% as Latinx, 8.3% as Native, 8.3% as Asian, and 2.3% as Middle Eastern. 16.6% are based outside the US. 17.8% are LGBTQ+. These are largely disappointing stats for me, as I strive to read as many BIPOC and LGBTQ+ authors as possible. In children’s books especially, diverse content I found in local libraries wasn’t necessarily being written by BIPOC communities. It’s wild how much power the literary industry wields against BIPOC authors. Even folks conscious of its bias have to work hard to move against its grain to impact their reading habits.

I want to keep up the tradition of speed reviews, as they serve as a decent record of what I’ve been reading, allowing me to analyze my reading habits and for all of you to judge me. Enough people seem to enjoy a glimpse into my literary diet, so I will continue to posts these on social media.

I am starting a new tradition of posting a year round up with some stats on what I’ve been reading, as well as the first ever Willy Awards, given to my favorite books in each genre. To qualify for The Willy Award, I need to have read the book completed in the given year. The Willy Award will not grant the authors any professional credibility, but hopefully will warm their hearts in seeing that their work is cherished by a bookworm in the middle of nowhere.

This year’s Fiction Prize goes to:

  1. Piranesi by Susanna Clark

  2. Push by Sapphire

  3. Reprieve by James Han Mattson

    Remarks - Competition in this category were steep. Piranesi swept me away with its seamless magical worldbuilding, centered on the soul of a Piranesi, the main character. Push is the come-up story of Precious, a young girl in an extremely abusive home; it made me sob twice and should be required reading for everyone. Reprieve is a deftly smart take on horror, exploring queer characters with complex migration stories and a range of interesting, even if disgusting, assorted folks.

This year’s YA and Middle Grade Prize goes to:

  1. Monday’s Not Coming by Tiffany D. Jackson

    Remarks - Extremely deftly written with a complex braided narrative.

This year’s Children’s Literature Prize goes to:

  1. The Hips on the Drag Queen Go Swish! Swish! Swish! by Lil Miss Hot Mess

  2. Paletero Man by Lucky Diaz

  3. People are Wild by Margaux Meganck

    Remark - Writing a captivating children’s book is harder than it looks. These three books were a blast to share with Nathan. The Hips on the Drag Queens Go Swish! Swish! Swish! was thrilling, joyful and playful in a way that is so needed for queer children. Paletero Man was a joyful stroll through a POC neighborhood, rich with food and kindness. People are Wild is a genuinely insightful take on how animals must look at people, all in a warm children’s book.

This year’s Nonfiction Prize goes to:

  1. When I was Red Clay by Jonathan T. Bailey

Remarks - This is the hardest category because all of the titles except one of them were absolutely excellent. I am giving this to Jonathan for sentimental reasons; as a queer post-Mormon, I deeply relate to the work. All the other authors, with exception of the Aloha Rodeo guys, are absolutely stellar and I couldn’t choose between them.

This year’s Poetry Prize goes to:

  1. A Snake in Her Mouth: Collected Poems by nila northSun

  2. Scorpionic Sun by Mohammed Khair-Eddine, trans Connor Bracken

  3. All The Flowers Kneeling by Paul Tran

Remarks - nila northSun is my new favorite poet for her non-pretentious soulful descriptions of the joys and tribulations of small-town life. She navigates her audience with the wry truthfulness the poetry world needs more of nowadays, especially with its enamoration with identity politics and bombast. Scorpionic Sun is self-described literary guerilla warfare and propulses forward with a sharp doggedness that will flatten you. All the Flowers Kneeling is a masterpiece investigation on what “healing” actually means in the aftermath of sexual and intergenerational violence.

The Willy Book-of-the-Year goes to Piranesi by Susanna Clark.

FICTION

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison (1970)

I don't need to tell you Toni Morrison is a G. It's banned in Utah. And if you come for Toni, we come for your neck. 5/5

Lawn Boy by Jonathan Evison (2018)

This book stole my heart. It's main character is a working class culturally removed Latino who lives on the rez and just lost his job bc he was tired of degrading, uncompensated extra labor of his job. Evison manages to make the details of landscaping joyous and being unemployed hilarious without blinking at the humiliation and frustration of being in such a predicament. I loved the way Evison poked at the contradictions, shortcomings, and silliness of everyone from the rich to toxic young men to hustlers and more. I also really appreciated its navigation of ability in real terms, nailing the exhaustion and love you carry when a loved one is mentally disabled. Almost forgot to mention: this book is banned in some Utah High schools for being too gay. 4/5

Let The Wild Grasses Grow by Kase Johnstun (2021)  

The story of two Mexican/Native families torn apart by tragedy. It has excellent exploration of racism, ww2, the dust bowl, gender, and love. It turned me into an insufferable emo puddle. I love this book very much. 4/5

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov (1997)

What a tormented and awful work of genius. At times, reading this book was like banging my head against the wall. As many readers, I crawl my way through a book oftentimes by attaching myself emotionally to the narrator, and Nabokov wields that vulnerability to a nauseating and scathing affect. No one wants to feel like they understand or empathize with a pedophile. Written in luscious, seductive language, I found myself strung by a narrative thread of tension and in full hatred with myself for enjoying the literature, the artful craft of it all. This book is an incredibly useful tool for any student of literature to analyze how they read books and why. Anyone who enters Lolita with the intention of learning something or as some form of escapism would soon get a broken nose, so to say.

That said, after putting the book down for days or weeks, my approach to reading changed. I learned how to take pleasure in the brilliance of the narrative, the poetic symbols, tightly crafted plots and intelligent eye of the narrator, all of which were deeply incriminating. What I love about Lolita is how much it asks of us as readers. It is not a book you can read in peace as you strive to empathize with the humanity of the characters, especially those given horrifically little consideration by the narrator.

This is a book I wish I would have read young with a very astute mentor for its lessons on the toxicity, lust, and abuse some call love. But these lessons are hardly the point. In fact, young readers might miss them entirely, confused by Humbert Humbert’s powerful and futile fits of passion.

This book is banned in Utah. 5/5

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke (2020) *

I have not had as pleasurable as a read as Piranesi in a long time. Clarke drops you into an alternate universe where all the main character knows is an endless house filled with statues and a strange rhythm of tides. The pace is calculated and peaceful until its not. The main character's resourcefulness and general good faith make him easy to love and Clarke exploits dramatic irony to create an incredible amount of tension. Beyond all that, the book is simply beautiful, image by emotion by image. I long for more books that manage to create their own little universe removed from the noise of the world and yet are so worldly and full of life. 5/5

Push by Sapphire (1996)
Before reading Push, I entered the book with a knapsack of strong opinions from the debate surrounding this book. Push has been banned across the country for its explicit depictions of sexual violence. I first learned about Push in an African American literature May term, where it was criticized by the protagonists of Percival Everett’s Erasure, a novel centering on the experiences of an upper-class Black man frustrated that the only depictions of Black people the literary world cherishes centers on poverty and trauma, as if all Black people are is their suffering. Precious, the narrator, initially shocked and repelled my system in one of the opening scenes where she disrupts her classroom. I was worried the novel would not adequately engage toxic aspects of her personality, romanticizing her the way overly woke circles romanticize the toxicity of the oppressed. On the contrary, in the diary-like narration, Sapphire masterfully manages to show the complex bulwark of relationships navigates all while staying true to the narrator’s limited world and language. I was especially impressed with how Precious alludes to Louis Farrakhan early on as a leader who helped her see her value in a white world and later introduces a critique of Farrakhan by Precious’s lesbian teacher. Precious’s resilience in the face of her ghastly childhood and her dedication to her education, despite unbelievable barriers, would endear her to everyone except for the most heartless and cruel readers. While I admit I am probably easier to make cry than your average reader, I have never had a book make me sob with audible gasps and Push made me do so twice. Sapphire describes grotesque sexual violence unflinchingly, making the scenes where Precious finally finds her voice and taps the power of reading and writing slice through your heart. When you have been deprived of so much, the moment you are given access to the power of language, as well as other small but invaluable privileges, can be the most heartbreaking because it is then you realize just how much you have been deprived of. This book unquestionably among one of the top five most important books I have ever read in my life. I recommend this book to fans of Educated by Tara Westover and Gentefication by Antonio Lopez, and to anyone interested in LGBTQ+ literature, literature about education, YA literature, coming-of-age stories, Black literature, fiction, and literature about sexual violence.
5/5

Reprieve by James Han Mattson (2021)

Imo, this novel is just as good as A Visit From the Goon Squad! It's handling of race, queerness, and gender is impressive, as it skillfully unpacks the internalized racism of an international student and tensions between different marginalized groups. The narrative is absolutely gripping and has moving commentary about horror, its artistic role in people's lives, and what a healthy relationship to all that looks like. Thank you to @undertheumbrellabookstore horror club for putting this one on my radar. 5/5

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid (2017)

Delightful and competently written novel about a queer woman's journey through love and stardom with some truly touching and relatable moments. I side eye the narrator quite a bit, but the narrative ultimately pays off, even if it feels like you're watching a reality TV or pop news. Reid's navigation of closeted queerness in these pages is compelling and contrasts heavily with the glam and glitter of the red carpet. 3/5

Strange Children by Sadie Hoagland - This book is haunted. A symphony of voices from a fictionalized fundamentalist Mormon community narrate the downfall of its people and the disappearance of their prophet. What Sadie pulls of here in terms of music and dialect is insane. The cadence and flow will lick its way into your ears. More importantly, this book manages to flesh out the oftentimes stereotyped and little understood Mormon fundamentalist communities pocking the West. Does she succeed? Here's where I'm not sure. I’m sure some fundamentalists would be upset to see themselves once again characterized in large part by violence, pedophilia, and blood atonement. There's always the risk readers will come to gawk. As a post-Mormon, however, I feel a tenderness in Sadie's work an aching desire to make sense of the violent history we've inherited. I was swept up at many points and recommend it especially to folks in Mormondom. 4.5/5

MIDDLE GRADE / YA

All American Boys by Jason Reynolds and Brendan Kiely (2015)
Banned for its engagement of police brutality and a handful of swear words, I was somewhat worried All American Boys would be overly didactic and hard to get through. Maybe it would be on the page, but at least via audiobook I was thoroughly engaged, enjoying the interactions between the teenagers and adults. The book follows two perspectives: 1) Rashad Butler, a Black high school ROTC teen who suffers an incident of police brutality and 2) Quinn Collins, a white basketball player and the son of a veteran who died in the Middle East. This positioning of the main characters in relation to the military was a wise move, because it allowed them to wrestle with what it means to be patriotic and gave them military and police ties that forced them to look into the incident of police brutality with nuance. Quinn, for example, was the mentee of the guilty officer and shifts between defending him and holding him accountable. Quinn’s journey in this regard is wonderful to watch, because even though he’s very well intentioned, he makes plenty of hiccups along the way, and learns how to handle them with grace. Rashad, on the other hand, has a former police officer as a father who once paralyzed an innocent unarmed man out of fear. This makes the desire for justice and vengeance complicated as hell for Rashad and forces him and all of us as readers to think more critically about what healthy justice looks like. All American Boys does not critique the military industrial complex, and maybe it should, but the fact it doesn’t makes it easier to use as a pedagogical tool, as its tough enough to have a conversation about police brutality in the classroom without introducing another complicated conversation about power. The dive between both perspectives keeps the narrative moving sharply. According to the middle school teacher I know, it’s also a hit with the kids. I recommend this book for anyone interesting in perspectives in fiction, how to write about race, the Black Lives Matter movement, YA fiction, Black fiction, and books about the military and police.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Deep End by Dan Russell (2020)

This is Baby Chino's first completed chapter book. I'm so proud of him for muscling through. It's no wonder this series is popular. This kid's life is so awful it's hilarious. 3.5/5

l8r, g8r by Lauren Myracle (2007)  

A very catty and engrossing read about a group of teens who get into ALL the drama during high school. The depictions of romantic life are not romanticized at all and it alludes to sex, rather than describing it. It's in text message format and frankly much more tame then the average pop song and what teens say to each other on a regular basis. This book is banned in Utah. 3/5

The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen (2020)

I bought this graphic novel for young readers in my life and couldn’t resist the urge to read it before wrapping it up for Christmas. After a few pages of throat-clearing, Nguyen’s story hums snugly along as the main character navigates a wholesome, awkward young queerness and shares fairytale reading with his mother. I’m impressed with the scope of plot points addressed in this snappy novel. The main character’s grandmother dies, and he experiences the strange sadness of grieving someone you never met and the family’s turmoil as they grieve across borders. Never does the main character get reduced to one aspect of his identity, and we get charming glimpses of his school life and kind friends, as well as his challenges as a queer child of Vietnamese immigrants. The fairy tales included in the book provide it a charm and intertextual depth that kick this book above your average middle-grade fiction. 4/5

Monday's Not Coming by Tiffany Jackson (2018)

An absolutely harrowing book that masterfully illustrates the effects of PTSD and puts you in the gut of a young black girl. This is a powerful book for discussing the epidemic of missing black girls and the ways youth can see things parents can't. There's so much I love about this book and it's banned in Utah. 4/5

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson (1999)

Written in the voice of teenager Melinda Sorino, Speak immediately places you in deeply familiar halls of a high school that—despite the distances of decades and states—might as well have been my own. You witness stumbling attempts at friendship and community amid a difficult terrain of power, insecurity, and confidence. Speak is legendary as a breakthrough book about a contemporary teenage survivor of sexual violence and for being targeted and banned by conservatives. While Speak does make excellent kindling to spark a conversation about everything from #MeToo to immigration issues to educational policy, readers likely will fall in love with it for reasons beyond the values imbedded in the text. Melinda’s trauma and symptoms are relatable without being pitiable sob story. The reaction of Melinda’s friends to her story models a range of compassionate and heartless responses to an experience of victimhood. While the trauma of sexual violence and her healing journey do define the narrative, the struggle to find your niche in high school is something many of us share. I especially appreciate one of the first friendships Melinda pursues in Speak, because both characters are outsiders who attempt to find connection and truck along despite failing to forge a real bond. The camaraderie of these friendless relationship is something I’ve rarely seen reflected in literature and is captured endearingly, even through their scuffles and eventual dissolution. I loved how the art teacher was portrayed with all his foibles. A supportive teacher for the students, but in no way romanticized and frequently described in unflattering but charming ways. He reminded me of my Art History teacher who I cherished. The scenes most conservatives are mad about I believe are the following two: 1) in one scene, Melinda witnesses a student stand up to a teacher who gives a racist rant against immigrants. Melinda isn’t brave enough to speak up and through the mentorship of this outspoken student learns to eventually speak up about her own experiences in the classroom. Melinda stumbles and learns slowly throughout this process and its tender to watch her growth. 2) There is a scene where Melinda’s rapist tries to violently rape her again, but she fights him and is eventually rescued by classmates who catch the assailant in his act. It is true that the rapist isn’t humanized very much and he’s a pretty flat, blatantly evil villain with rumors about him written on bathroom stalls. That’s hardly a reason to knock the book though since very few writers can write from that perspective effectively and with enough purpose. As for the depiction of violence, it’s something too many of our teens have already experienced. The conversation shouldn’t be whether teens should get to engage with this content, but how. I recommend this book for anyone interested in YA, literature about education, literature about sexual violence, and banned books.

CHILDREN’S LITERATURE

A Blue Kind of Day by Rachel Tomlinson (2022)

This book was disappointing yall. Great message and great illustrations but if want a kid to talk about grief you need a better storyline. Nathan hated the idea of the book and the execution did NOTHING to help. I hate giving such attempts at good low scores but this gets a generous 2, mostly bc the illustrations rocked.

are we there yet by Adam James (2015)

Vivid visuals for otherwise boring storytelling sampling cultures from around the world. Not unpleasant but not good. 2/5

The Bad Seed Presents: The Good, The Bad, and The Spooky by Jory John (2021)

This delightful children’s book follows Bad Seed as he attempts to find a perfect Halloween costume, fails, and then proceeds to try to cancel Halloween and spoil the celebrations for everyone else. Though he’s initially charming, his toxicity is easily recognizable, and Nathan and I immediately shared an understanding glance once his behavior started to act up. The book holds an excellent lesson against perfectionism and just being chill and enjoying the fun, even if you aren’t the star of attention, resolving with Bad Seed reinstating Halloween to a hilariously indifferent crowd of veggies that didn’t listen to his ridiculousness in the first place. Deeply enjoyable.
4/5

Bodies Are Cool by Tyler Feder (2021)

Never too early to teach body positivity. There are a delightfully diverse range of bodies here and this book creates space for kiddos to ask awkward questions about bodies. It's fun to talk with Nathan about what body most catches his eye here and have conversations about how difference and disability don't need to be inherently tragic. 5/5

Call Me Max / Kyle Lukoff / 2019

This is the banned book at the center of the Murray school district scandal in 2019. The book includes the definition of transgender and dares to depict the stress that trans children undergo when they can’t find a bathroom that fits or otherwise have gender imposed on them. I read the book with an eight-year-old and they could reiterate what it meant to be trans to me afterward. This book is at times clearly didactic and includes scenes that are perhaps not crucial to the storyline but provide an illuminating moment on gender. The particle scene that irked me a bit in this regard is when the white protagonist meets a gender non-conforming lack boy in a dress who tells him clothes isn’t what makes gender. The Black character isn’t given anymore airtime which feels weird because Max clearly already undergoes bullying for his behavior and he’s less of a target than a Black boy in a dress for sure. 4/5

I recommend each of these titles for folks interested in children’s literature with substance or with LGBTQ+ themes.

Carl and the Meaning of Life / Deborah Freedman / 2019

I am always surprised what books Nathan and Chino grab. Carl is a worm going through an existential crisis after a bug asks him why he eats and poops dirt. Carl goes about asking all the creatures about his purpose and being dissatisfied by their answers until he realizes he is an important part of the ecosystem and everything would collapse without him. The art was rich and humble as dirt. 5/5

Chaiwala by Priti Birla Maheshwari (2021)  

Chaiwala gave me the opportunity to introduce Nathan to the spices @sparrowperchandplay keeps in a cabinet. Only critique is that the book was too short. 4.5/5

City Cat by Kate Banks (2013)

A street cat tours Europe in a highly alliterative and sonically rich journey. They have a high vocabulary so expect to help your youngster sound out words. 3/5

Desert Girl, Monsoon Boy by Tara Dairman (2020)

Gorgeously illustrated book about how culture shifts across landscape and how environmental pressures can bring unlikely people together. It's at a very easy reading level, so your kid can sit back and enjoy the ride. 4/5

Don't Hug Doug by Carrie Finison (2021)

Don’t Hug Doug was a playful and blunt lesson on boundaries with a diverse cast of kids and crafty storytelling. 5/5
Drawn Together by Minh Le (2018)

This book tells the story of a grandfather and grandson who communicate via drawings bc of a language barrier. Very easy read for earlier readers full of magical and heartfelt images. 5/5

Flora the Flamingo by Molly Idle (2013)

Playful story of a ballerina that bashfully copies a flamingo for her moves and gets caught and welcomed. Soothing and warm. 4/5

Fire! Fuego! Brave Bomberos by Susan Middleton Elya (2012)  

Fire! was a great way to get Nathan to try a lil Spanish or at least get it in his ears. Complete with detailed pictures and heroism, it gave him plenty to feast his eyes upon. 3/5

Fuego, Fuegito by Jorge Argueta (2019)

Fuego Fuegito is trilingual: Spanish, Nawat, and English. Jorge is a Salvi OG and I'm stoked to see his work evolve in this direction.

The Good Egg by Jory John (2019)

While most children books tell naughty kids to behave, this one tells the goody-goodies to chill tf down and let people live. It's a unique and humorous twist. The depictions of the bad eggs are hilarious. 😈😈😈 5/5

Groovy Joe: Ice Cream and Dinosaurs by Eric Litwin (2016)

Groovy Joe: Ice Cream and Dinosaurs has great lessons about sharing. Easy sell for the kids. 4/5 

Grumpy Bird by Jeremy Tankard (2007)
Early this year, I reviewed A Blue Kind of Day, a well-meaning book that attempted to discuss difficult emotions with children yet utterly failed to be engaging in my opinion. Lucky me, Grumpy Bird by Jeremy Tankard does everything A Blue Kind of Day failed to do. Grumpy bird’s concerned animal friends notice him as he goes on a walk, and un-intrusively and compassionately try to cheer him up. I appreciate how Grumpy bird does not take this well at first, which is realistic and relatable. His friends don’t respond with toxic positivity, and the improvement of Grumpy bird’s mood happens slowly and rather unintentionally, without any untrue epiphanies. Tankard does an excellent job normalizing the reality of a bad mood and providing us with worthwhile strategies for feeling better.
5/5

The Hips on the Drag Queen Go Swish! Swish! Swish! by Lil Miss Hot Mess (2020)

Nathan’s favorite children’s book is an interactive blast with tickling art. 5/5
I Walk with Vanessa by Kerascoët (2018)

Sweet message with detailed images you and your little will linger on to catch playful narratives details. It even role models how to deal with bullies. 3.5/5

I'm Dirty by Kate and Jim McMullen (2006)

I'm a sucker for such playful and easy-to-convince- kids-to-read books. This one doesn't disappoint. You learn about tractors. Watch them enjoy their filth. What else do you need? 4/5

It's a Tiger by David LaRochelle (2012)
An energetic children’s book that will have you on the edge of your seat as the main character, your young one, and you run away from tigers. The rich and detailed illustrations by Jeremy Tankard draw the reader into charming landscapes that inevitably will hide yet another tiger. Despite the short snappy lines, you might be out-of-breath by the time you reach the end of this book, as its best read performatively, yelling at every exclamation point. Buckle up the kiddos. I recommend this book to anyone interested in children’s literature and environmental literature. 5/5

Julian is a Mermaid / Jessica Love / 2018

One of Utah’s banned books, I expected a spicier narrative from Julian is a Mermaid. Spoiler Alert, here is the entire plot: a young Black takes down a shower curtain and pretends to be a mermaid. His mother catches him and thinks it’s kinda weird, but later takes him to where there are other mermaids who vaguely resemble drag queens. That’s it. Most of it is expressed visually. There is no explicit gender play besides some mild gender non-conforming but completely normal behavior for a young boy. I loved the rich and tender visuals sure to bring out your inner femme. Nathan was surprised by how shortness of the book but enjoyed the visuals. He wants to be a mermaid, too. 5/5

Let’s be Friends by Rene Colato Lainez (2021)

This is an extremely simple book for early reading levels, outlining several activities two youngsters do to get to know one another. Simple yet charming illustrations. Bilingual. It gets the job done with little need for magic or virtuoso. 2/5

Lies and Other Tall Tales by Zora Neal Hurston (2005)

A children's book full of dozens and playful illustrations. Nathan didn'

Life on Mars by Jon Agee (2017)  

Life on Mars was short, sweet, and utilizes dramatic irony in a slick way to give us a clever laugh. I wish it was longer! Nathan didn’t want to read then was bummed when it was over. Hilarious and so so much fun. 5/5

Little Leena Learns About Ramadan by Zainab Fadlallah (2021)

Sometimes these multicultural kids books get too woke and educational for their own good. This book about Ramadan manages to be educational without a cringy moment. Full of delightful images and an adorable main character Leena whose curiosity drives the narrative, this book helped me talk to Nathan about Muslim cultures in a natural and fun way. 4/5

Mary Wears What She Wants by Keith Negley (2019)

Amazing true story of the woman who pioneered wearing pants. Great for unlearning the act of gendering clothing. Amazing storytelling and fun drawings. 5/5

Nighttime Symphony by Timbaland (2019)

Not a bad children's book and a generally competent ode to music, this book lacked some of the lyrical miracle and wordplay I was hoping for. Didn't really stand out. 3/5

Niño Wrestles the World by Yuyi Morales (2013)

Highly recommend this dorky children's book! It even features a ghostly llorona.

Oh No! Or How My Science Project Destroyed the World by Mac Barnett (2010)

Delightful image-heavy, text-light children's book with a young genius's shenanigans. 5/5

Paletero Man by Lucky Diaz (2021)

Paletero Man was my FAVORITE!!! It introduced children to a diverse spectrum of people and their food in the neighborhood. It depicts a largely poc neighborhood as a neighborhood that looks out for one another. And it taught a great lesson about good karma returning to you when you have bad luck. 5/5 

People are Wild by Marguax Meganck (2022)
People are Wild is a perfect children’s book that will be an easy sell to your young one. Written in the voice of animal parents, Margaux warns young creatures to look out for humans, pointing out our loudness, messiness, and other foibles. This perspective has the dual power of giving our young ones a kind nurturing narrator and bending their minds to imagine what they would think of humans if they were animals. Complete with short slick lines without sacrificing a message, Meganck has proven herself a sharp writer. Her adorable pictures drawn in color pencil and painted with watercolor give the book a snuggly warmth. Her author presentations teach students the importance of hard work and persistence, as well as asks them to develop empathy for animals, all with a live drawing demonstration as a cherry on top. I recommend this book for anyone interested in environmental literature, animals studies, or children’s literature.
5/5

Pow Wow Day by Traci Sorrell (2022)

A spiritual children's book about the beauty of pow wows. The child protagonist has to sit out bc of illness and learns how to appreciate and feel included in the rituals even as she's left out. 5/5

Pug, the Fibber by Aaron Blabey (2018)

This doggy is naughty and keeps blaming his brother for his mistakes. His mischief ends up cracking his head, so he sorta learns his lesson. Delightfully told. 3/5

Punk Farm by Jarrett J. Krosoczka (2005)
Wish it was a tad grittier and more anti establishment but it was plenty of fun.

Room for Everyone by Naaz Khan (2021)  

Room for Everyone tells the classic tale of global south communities squeezing unimaginable amounts of people and items into vehicles. It's told with humor, swag, and incredible sound.

Singing in the Rain by Tim Hopgood (2017)

Unbeatable images pair melodic and dreamy lyrics. Excellent image-text balance. 5/5

What a Party! by Ana Maria Machado (2013)

This book feels gloriously non-North American and has a fun catalog of different national cuisines. 4/5 for slight translationese.

Zoo Zen by Kristen Fischer (2017)

Zoo Zen was a blast. Great for getting kids to try some fun physical movement. I'm a sucker for cute animals too. 5/5

Zora’s Zucchini by Katherine Pryor (2015)

This is the last book in the world I expected Nathan to grab from the library because the boys are notoriously reluctant to eat veggies. He took genuine interest in the gardening process and even learned a cute message about sharing. 4/5

NONFICTION

Against the Sacrifice Zone by Alisa Slaughter (2022)

I, again, found this zine at the National Humanities Conference in LA, November 2022. It’s a ruminating little essay on borderlands, environmental collapse, Covid-19, climate change, and monarch butterflies. The parallels the author draws between the dry spots in her mind, the brain fog, after surviving Covid-19 and the dry spots in a ravaged, dehydrated environment is but one example of the elegant poetry captured in a few short paragraphs. Perfect for a conversation on environmental activism and interrelated struggles. 5/5

Aloha Rodeo by David Wolman and Julian Smith (2019)

I finally read this book in its entirety after realizing it would make a good children’s book if remixed correctly. The authorial voice is at once socially astute, picking up on the logical contradictions of his subjects and noting moments of humor and criticism, while at the same time being annoyingly white and colonial. The prose uses the word “braves” for Native Americans at points and forgets to put quotations around terms like “civilizing” when discussing the colonization of Hawaii. The book reads as if it was written by your averagely racist white person who received decent feedback from someone who pointed that out, and then went and made a good faith but stumbling effort to edit the manuscript.

The information therein is written in muscular prose and was well-researched. I loved learning about paniolos, Hawaiian cowboys, who learned their art from vaqueros. The Latino/Hawaiian solidarity was something I didn’t expect. What I appreciate most about this book is its eye towards intercultural clashes, as the West was settled. As much as I have my reservations about animal welfare and steer roping, Aloha Rodeo contextualizes them with clear, nonjudgmental eyes that made me appreciate the artistry. 2.5/5

Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe (2019)

This book reminded me a painful lot about Selina Foster. I wonder how much pain it would've saved them. It's a funny, down to earth and gutsy graphic novel about discovering you asexuality and gender queerness. And it's banned in Utah. 5/5

High-Risk Homosexual by Edgar Gomez (2022)
Hailing from Nicaragua and Puerto Rico, Gomez shares rough-and-tumble coming-of-age and coming out stories that will squish the goo and glitter out of your heart. High-Risk Homosexual is young, brown, and broke and these aspects in particular will grant Gomez a fawning audience of young queers, eager to see their experiences reflected. At Under the Umbrella Bookstore in Salt Lake City, a fellow Latina from Florida shared with Gomez how she, too, had to come out to her mother more than once. While my mother only threatened to send me to El Salvador when she realized my first partner was LGBTQ+, Gomez was sent to Nicaragua as a teenage boy to be “made a man” by his macho tios and have his virginity taken by a local teenage girl. Lucidly written and deeply readable, High-Risk Homosexual doesn’t waste time with literary flexing, instead expanding and contracting scenes and reflection with concision and precision. Written by someone without significant queer role models around him, Gomez’s memoir outlines how he learned the hard way to build healthy relationships and love himself, bouncing between self-acceptance and hiding, love and disappointment. Like many of us, Gomez at first sometimes tried to distinguish himself apart from other queers who were too gay, too flamboyant, too feminine, too sexually promiscuous in ways that weren’t productive. In reading this memoir, I suspect and hope that young readers will find not only cautionary tales on what liquors and men to avoid, but also strategies for how to build authentic support and community for themselves. This memoir does the work that many good memoirs do—showing us what privations and shames we share, making the burden easier for all of us to bear. I have pitched this review around young readers because Gomez himself positions the book that way, ending with a reflection on the “It gets better” narrative traditionally fed to queer children clawing for hope in a terrifyingly hateful world. Here, I wanted Gomez to expand further because his stories, while certainly useful for young queers, are also invaluable to the world at large. This industry is quick to box the audiences for BIPOC and LGBTQ+ authors, and I want Gomez to be cherished by readers beyond a publicist’s imagination. Beyond that, there’s very little for me to critique here. Memoirs are usually best written by authors aged with wisdom, and what Gomez has pulled off here while barely cracking thirty is more than impressive—it’s masterful. I recommend High-Risk Homosexual to fans of Danez Smith, Justin Torres, and Ocean Vuong, folks interested in LGBTQ+ literature, YA, Memoir, Latinx literature, Florida, the Pulse Massacre, Central American literature, and Caribbean literature. 4/5

Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi (2003)

Nafisi's memoir is a crucial read for anyone wrestling with how to keep their humanity intact in the face of an oppressive regime. Nafisi painstakingly narrates the way Austen, Nabokov, Fitzgerald, and other Western classics allowed her and her students to dream the forbidden in times when their options were quickly narrowing. She made me fall in love with the traditional literary canon in a way I have largely chosen not to for years. It is nauseating and infuriating to realize how many theocratic Iranian arguments against books are being parroted by folks like Utah Parents United and all the book banners out there. Reader, if today's political landscape numbs you, if you feel yourself hardening and losing pieces of yourself, open a book, maybe this one. We cannot find our ways out of this hellscape without our whole selves, our feelings, alive. 5/5

Unwell Women by Elinor Cleghorn (2021)

An infuriating and heartfelt journey through how men have ignored, exacerbated, and caused indescribable amounts of humiliation and suffering for women as a whole. If it were up to me, this book is where we would begin in educating men about feminism. Because it shows how life and death feminism is for women. Because women's bodies have been stigmatized and mystified in ways that deserve concrete breakdowns of the consequences of sexism beyond liberal conversations of privilege and identity. Because my autocorrect keeps changing sexism to seismic. Because sexism IS seismic. Because two of my previous partners had vaginismus and the medical system was useless in addressing their concerns. Because they're about to overturn Roe vs Wade. Because while these conversations will butt into religious and cultural arenas, it will show the awful consequences of not believing women when they're in pain and not allowing them autonomy over their bodies. 4.5/5

Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer (2003)

Holy shit. What an important read when it comes to frankly discussing cultures of violence in Mormon religions at large. People inside the culture of Mormonism will probably recognize the terms Blood Atonement and Mountain Meadows Massacre. The depth in contextualizing this violence within larger Mormon cultures and events was mindblowing. This book contextualizes the Elizabeth Smart case and the Lafferty murders within traditions of violence. It sincerely grapples with how you keep a mystic religion from snapping under the weight of democratic revelation. It made me sincerely grapple with the argument of whether or not the Lafferty men were sane enough to stand trial. I can see this book pissing many Mormons off, as it focuses heavily on the dark underbelly of Mormonism. The history and legacy of polygamy can't be avoided however. My biggest critique is AGAIN a refusal of historians to see Mormons of color as authentic Mormons, especially including an erasure of Native Mormon stories, like Washakie, the Bear River Massacre, etc. There's nuance to unpack here and I'm tired of historians acting like the ways people of color practiced Mormonism as not worthy of note. 4/5

When I was Red Clay by Jonathan T Bailey (2022)

My favorite book about the Utah queer experience. I read this ravenously and with my heart nuzzling my face. 6/5

POETRY

All the Flowers Kneeling by Paul Tran (2022)

Incredibly burning debut by a powerhouse poet. The entire collection grapples with the meaning of "healing" after sexual violence. It really digs deep into the ways we sometimes get in the way of our own healing. 4.5/5

Border Vista by Anni Liu (2022)

One of my favorite poets with a collection about being precariously documented, overcoming different forms of relational violence, and navigating Chinese and American culture. Even at its heaviness, Liu has this way of making you feel like you're floating.

Cenizas by Cynthia Guardado (2022)
Cynthia Guardado’s growth between her debut collection of poetry Endeavor and Cenizas is dramatic and rewarding—a remarkable feat for someone whose talent and craft were never in question. Cenizas is a tight-knit collection, largely centering on the challenge of grieving loved ones, especially across fronteras, where the possibility of closure is swiftly denied by racist immigration law. Written in Guardado’s signature lucid and plaintive voice, Cynthia’s poems confront violence with a disarmingly straightforward style. Sit with it, her poems ask you, a necessary act for all of us as we shoulder the losses of this world, whether that’s Guardado’s own dying relationship with her abuelo or the history of genocide hidden in La Puerta del Diablo. Along the way, we trace a map of the way the Salvadoran Civil War and migration has shaped the life of Guardado and her family. Guardado includes a couple of ekphrastic poems that capture scenes from the war, which she connects to the experiences of her and her family. There is also a series of poems contemplating her name and meditating on the in-betweenness, the liminality, so frequently discussed in Latinx literatures. Guardado’s work occupies this zone more authentically than many or perhaps she expresses this sensation more effectively than most. Perhaps it’s the way she includes whole stanzas and poems in Spanish, alternating between languages unapologetically centering the bilingual reader. Perhaps it’s the grief and the way Guardado seems constantly displaced throughout this collection. The “Call Me Refugee” series accomplish all of the above with the added punch of its title, which points to the fact that Salvadorans have historically been denied refugee status in the United States despite the fact our people are clearly refugees of a US-funded Cold War. Cenizas holds its own against Javier Zamora’s Unaccompanied, and both poetry collections illuminate the complexities of Salvadoran experiences alongside one another. While I have yet to read Alexandra Regalado’s Relinqueda, I suspect these two collections would speak to one another immensely, as Regalado’s collection also close as Regalado’s collection also closely examines grief. I recommend Guardado’s collection to anyone interested in sequencing in poetry collections, elegies and poems about grieving, Latinx literature, Central American literature, and war literature. 3/5

Conflict Resolutions for Holy Beings by Joy Harjo (2015)

The most significant thing about Joy Harjo’s work in my brief dives into it is her authoritative wisdom, which allows her to break so many rules. What would be didactic goo from one writer is rendered a pearl of wisdom in her hands. Halfway through reading this book, I realized to my great delight that many of the poems therein double as song lyrics, which you can find on Spotify, read in a hearty jazzy-and-yet-somehow-folksy spoken word style. Simultaneously plainspoken and mythic, Joy’s collection is one I want to thrust into the hands of young poets hellbent on killing themselves with their lust, passion, and ambitions. 4.5/5  

Dearest Water by Nancy Takacs (2022)

The last section of the book includes two sublime longer poems and would be a 5/5 as its own little chapbook. The collection made me want to read Alberto Rios.

Felon by Reginald Dwayne Betts (2019)

These poems give readers a glimpse into the ways the prison system will follow you via labels, nightmares, psychological trauma, and more, even decades after you leave your cell. Generous yet snappy read. There's a reason folks consider Betts a GOAT. This book is only one of them. 3/5

 if not, winter: Fragments of Sappho by Anne Carson (2002)

One of the lost legends of lesbian poetry, Anne Carson provides notes and translations for what we have left. Which isn't a lot and isn't very satisfying, while at the same time feeling very urgent and meaningful. This is a great place to start for understanding the what remains and is full of lyrical glimpses of imagery, sound and diction. 3/5

Islanders by Teow Lim Goh (2016)

Drawing from a rich archive of voices, Goh taught me some of the details involved in early twentieth century Chinese migration to the US. Most interestingly, she directs the reader to a book where you could read the poems Chinese migrants left in the walls of their detention centers as they awaited either entry into the US or deportation. This book taught me about common situations migrants from China faced. While Goh manages to include a sizeable array of voices, she failed to move beyond their outline and didn't really give any of the characters depth or personhood beyond their migratory circumstances. 1.8/5

Live Oak, With Moss by Walt Whitman (2019)

A gift from Nush. This book made me fall in love with Walt Whitman for real. The artistic accompaniments are perfect. The scholarly treatment of Whitman's queerness is generous and will save you decades of wondering. 5/5

Love at Gunpoint by nila northSun (2007)

northSun is my favorite poet and I'm terrified that she seems largely forgotten by the literary world. I encountered her by happenstance this year when researching Shoshone literature for a work project and have been mesmerized by her plainspoken poems. Forget the bombast, arrogance, and ambition of the literary establishment. Here's a poet whose voice is nimble and pointed. I laugh and cry to her poems. She changes the way I breathe. In this collection, she tackles surviving domestic violence, but also has poems about dancing in granny panties. I'm gonna go buy another book of hers and you should too. 5/5

The New Song of Silence by Anastasia Afanasieva (2022)

I found this zine in the National Humanities Conference in LA, November 2022. It’s the poem of a reputed Ukrainian poet who mainly wrote in Russian. Halfway through the poem, she abandons her mother tongue, Russian, and swears to never write in it anymore, electing Ukrainian instead. This powerful move is at the heart of a poem documenting the toll of warfare on her city. It’s breathtakingly powerful in its translation. 4/5  

Rain Scald by Tacey Atsitty (2018)

This collection is a feat. There's an authority and steady-eyed strength to the voice throughout. These poems might be a touch opaque here and there, but I'm confident these are my shortcomings as a reader. Use the notes on the back as you read. Do plenty of rereading. Several of these poems musically enchanted yet mystified me and later cracked open fiercely on rereading. Notably, this book appears to carry a marriage of Dine and Mormon ideologies and beliefs. In the notes, there's discussion of the "opportunity" Native children had to live with white Mormon families, as well as a reference to masturbation with the stodgy term "self-abuse." 4/5

The Salted Woman by Pauline Peters (2021)

Gifted to me by Nan Seymour, Pauline Peters’ short collection is appropriately lush, mythic, and sensual in its odes to nature and darkness. An African Canadian, Peters’ mystic interpretation of blackness and darkness in nature also serves as a sort of ontological thesis on the depths and genius of Blackness. Nature not only gives Peters access to her deeper wiser selves, but also connections to her ancestors, so this connection happens naturally, seamlessly. It is as obvious as it may be surprising for some. Here are some lines in particular that have stayed with me: “Night paints us with her blue-black ink / hides glaring errors lest we think / we are the sum of our mistakes. / No. We are all beautiful in the dark.” It’s almost as if in spiritual communion with night and nature, Peters imagines non-Black folks can approach a Blackness. This from “O Holy Night,” a poem that contrasts the whiteness of day with the luscious, peace of night.

Nature is at times romanticized in this collection, anthropomorphized as well. This is familiar territory for myth-making and making sense of nature. Peters wields it with the gush and gusto of a witchy grandmother. I trust her with her magic, even if another literary critic might sniff at the collection’s humility.  

Peters also invokes wakes in similar ways to Dr. Rebecca Hall in Wake: The Hidden History of Women-Led Slave Revolts, especially in “Guardians.” I imagine Peters’ poetry would make an excellent accompaniment to Sadiya Hartman’s prose in a discussion about Black spirituality, nature, history, and time. I strongly encourage this book for anyone interested in environmental literature, especially Black perspectives therein, Canadian literature, poetry, and spiritual literature.

Here’s a gorgeous line to end the review: “They say the gods never give you more than you can carry – I say the gods need help too.” 4.5/5  

Scorpionic Sun by Mohammed Khair-Eddine, trans Connor Bracken (2019)

A Moroccan writer of French poetry with leftist politics and an image heavy machine gun style. What else do you need to know? This poetry is disorienting, passionate, and lives in the gut and throat. You'll need to look up words, sometimes up to 4 to 8 times in a single poem. The poems are long, sometimes 16 pages and dive between prose and enjambments. I read some aloud for Nush and it brought out an exhausting but electric performance from me. Reading aloud helped me sink into the emotion and rhythm. Reading in my head sometimes felt like getting swallowed and spat out by a tide: fun as hell, even if a little painful, and the details got gobbled by the sea. The poem for Cesaire was gorgeous and fiery. This is overwritten in the best way and proud you don't need to understand everything 100% in your head to feel it burning in your heart. 4.5/5

Sink by Desiree Dellagiacomo

These poems spill and warp over pages like water. Skeptics of slam will be relieved by the solid skills on the page. Covering themes of suicide, growing up in a broke and at times violent family, the healing this book offers is priceless. Highlights include 13 ways of looking at a rapist and the viral My Thighs. 3.5/5

Small Bones, Little Eyes by nila northSun and Jim Sagel (1981)
I purchased this book as a salve to a bout of depression and frustration, as I’ve found that nila’s voice centers me in my love for literature and this world more than most anyone. At first, I was shy to read Jim Sagel in the same book, since I’m unfamiliar with his work and really just wanted to hang out with nila, but I was pleasantly surprised to find what a powerful pairing they are together. Here’s one thing I haven’t yet said about nila’s work that I think is part of what draws me to it: while other authors may dispel stereotypes or try to provide them with greater depth, nila engages stereotypes with love that doesn’t tiptoe. It’s a shame our drunks can’t even just be broken drunks and instead must carry the additional shame of being a stereotype, a burden on their own. There’s a love nila carries, allowing people to be what they are without doing a racial tap dance. There’s a love in nila I feel extended to me, to all of us. Some about Jim so he doesn’t feel shortchanged: he has incredible poetry about naming in this collection, gorgeous portraits of different rural and rez characters that just vibrate off the page. “chocolate atole” might be the best poem I’ve read this year. 5/5

SNAKE IN HER MOUTH by nila northSun (1997)

These poems feel hot and dry inside your mouth as the Nevada desert. Each written in a characteristically thin stanza or a few, the simplicity and directness of the diction is sharp as a cacti pine. One of my new favorite poets, especially among Native writers. She's Chippewa Shoshone. 6/5

Winged Insects by Joel Long (1999)

Joel Long is a legend in Utah, spoken of in adoring tones, and up until I started reading this collection, I had little understood why as I had only watched him read briefly once and from a prose manuscript. It was good, but hardly, worth the twinkle in the eyes of his admirers. Winged Insects more than justifies the adoration. The collection ranges from sensual poems about nature, elegies for lost loved ones, erotic poetry to fatherhood poems. Each fit together, narrated in a thoughtful voice, full of wonder and love for his surroundings. Soulful, lyric, and rigorously written, it’s no wonder Long is considered the friendly neighborhood poet genius throughout Utah. I’m looking forward to picking up more of his work. For fans of Ross Gay, Nan Seymour, and Jamaal May. 4.5/5

 

 

Baby / David Watters / 2016

Baby by David Watters (Monster House Press, 2016)

In Baby, the second chapbook of David Watters, dedicated to his son Liam, the poet tackles the complexities of single fatherhood in a plainspoken metaphors that are at once crystal clear and full of mystery—like water spilling from a rock. If the book feels as if it pulsates with warmth, as if its seam is made of blood and veins, that’s because it is. Off the page, Watters’ mark as a father transcends poetry and is written on his son. I have had the joy of experiencing Liam’s company on occasion at pizza shops or after poetry readings, where Liam and I sometimes tease and playfight one another. “Do you want to be a vampire or a werewolf?” I once asked, playfully baring my teeth and growling. Liam, four-years-old, responded with a sincerity astonishing for a child with such an active imagination: “I want to be human.” At an age where most children leap to embody the fantastical and the animal, Liam’s self-possession in that moment was strikingly rare. Among adults, such self-possession is probably rarer, except in brief moments, especially in our consumer culture, where we all seem to be hankering for one dream or another, where we are defined by what we have managed to possess. I know I rarely feel a similar self-possession. “I want to be a werewolf,” I told Liam, howling, and we proceeded to chase each other around the room, wild-eyed and giggly.

 

Liam’s response was fitting for the child of white Hoosier poet David Watters. In Baby, the poems bristle open with a love for life, an acceptance and gratitude for even the most devastating experiences life has to offer, a self-possession that is hard-earned and enviable for its ability to find beauty in the most difficult moments. Watters has managed to write a book of poems about his son, without a trace of sentimentalism, parenting clichés, or all-too-familiar fatherly advice. The opening stanza of the collection encapsulates these points well. It is written after the following anonymous epigraph: “The first cigarette in the morning / Is as good as it gets.” In response, Watters tells us,

                       

Baby, whoever wrote that line

                        Must have never felt

                        An early spring thunderstorm

                        In southern Indiana.

                        The way limestone can wake

                        With the taste of salt in its mouth

                        As the creeks and rivers rise

                        From their banks.      

                        Like so many ghosts speaking,

                        They upturn and spin limbs,

                        Car tires, dumpsters,

                        And yes, even backhoes

                        Can be swept away

                        In the sudden joy and rush

                        Of water.

 

If you’ve ever been to Indiana, then you know its thunderstorms can be frightening. Lightning cracks and trembles buildings. The rain shrieks in the streets. Sometimes, tornado sirens go off, so you decide to huddle in your bathtub with candles lit, half-annoyed, half-amused, with a dash of fear pulsating through the ritual. Yet this stanza transforms the at times terrifying rain with an ecstatic and ravishing joy. The agency given to the water, rising and upturning and speaking like ghosts, gives this scene a mythic quality, reminiscent of the Popol Vuh. The thunderstorm, the river are a force that overthrow human waste and reclaims the land in rebirth. And Watters offers us all of this magic in sleek, lucid lines comprised of language that is richly complex yet could be understood by a child.

 

Throughout the collection, Watters’ offers a complex window into fatherhood, moving beyond both pain and joy to uncover emotions we don’t even have words for yet. In “The Difference,” Watters writes,

 

There have been a handful of times

I have felt like a kidnapper,

So that tonight Baby, I’m afraid someone

May call the cops on me.

Imagine me trying to explain,

That yes, I am the father,

Everything is alright,

You’re just tired. 

 

I see a buck with half his face

Torn off. Jawbone and teeth.

He’s exposed himself enough

For all the world to look and see.

                       

                        I think, maybe, I should call the cops

That somebody ought to put him

Out of his misery, but just before

I reach for my phone I realize

I can’t tell the difference between us

So instead, I follow him to a place

I don’t yet know

.

The buck—vulnerable, exposed, and somehow still living—is juxtaposed against the writer himself, an exhausted father, coping with what some might call an imposter syndrome that makes him feel like a kidnapper. Both are vulnerable and exposed.  Both can be said to be miserable. Here, however, Watters rejects the desire to surrender to misery to follow the buck elsewhere, like in those moments where you are so tired, so overwhelmed, everything, even your weariness, vanishes. If any of the poems in Baby can be called an ars poetica for the collection, it is this one, where the writer willingly follows the image, the emotion to take us to a place yet to be named.    

 

In “War Games,” Watters depicts the difficulty of trying to raise a child in a growlingly violent world. In an attempt to get Liam to stop playing with toy guns, Watters uses a litany to lament the destruction of entire communities and ancient monuments razed by recent acts of war. This litany is both tragic and self-indulgent. Tragic because it describes with moving lyricism the many monuments and religious wonders destroyed, a loss almost impossible to communicate to a child. Self-indulgent because it attempts to place the weight of the world’s ills on a child’s shoulders. In the last stanza, Watters describes how Liam “turns, / points his thumb and small finger / At my head, smiles, / Says, bang, you’re dead.” This moment reads as both a betrayal and not. Betrayal because the poet must confront the violence in the defiant child, who will ultimately evolve into the person he chooses to be, regardless of the wishes of the father. At the same time, it’s not at all betrayal because that’s way too heavy of a word to use on a kid who is just playing a game. Here, Liam offers us another lesson in coping with the madness of the world: to get out of our heads and be present for one another, for the humor and playfulness we have to offer.

 

I want to end this book review with a short anecdote. The day after Trump’s election, I taught a class on political hip hop alongside Adrian Matejka to a class of mostly white students in Indiana. It was an exhausting class. Everyone in the room realized that the migrants who Immortal Technique and Blue Scholars were fighting to humanize would soon again be under attack by a racist administration. Afterwards, Matejka invited me to his office to show me pictures of a children’s book he is working on. For more than an hour, he told me about his process, sharing pictures from his model storybooks, as we discussed the importance and the scarcity of depictions of brown and black fathers playing with their children in literature. In a time of panic and despair, Matejka slowed me down to remind me of the gifts of wonder and childhood, the relationships and moments that will matter most to us, and which we must fight to keep sacred in our lives. And with this stumbling conclusion, I want to leave readers with Baby. Baby is not the book of poetry that will redefine our nation; it is not the book that will burn the flag or outmode contemporary styles and forms. But it is the one that will remind us of the greatest joys and wonders of being human; it will hold your hand, remind you to pause, and make you cry hallelujah for your life. Baby is a book we desperately need.

sad girl poems / Christopher Soto / 2016

 sad girl poems (Sibling Rivalry Press, 2016) by Christopher Soto

I’ve read a ton of gorgeous poems I have quickly forgotten.[wp1]  Christopher “Loma” Soto’s poems can at times be rough, blunt, and formally chaotic, but it’s near impossible to forget a poem by Loma. Take “Home,” for example, the first poem off Loma’s chapbook, Sad Girl Poems (Sibling Rivalry, 2016). “Home” staggers under the formal restraints of the villanelle, barely following the rules of repetition and abandoning the rhymes. It breaks lines on words like “the” and “my,” which are often considered weaker, and repeats the phrase “I’m crying,” which puts the poem at risk of being read as sentimental. In short, many readers could consider this poem a bad villanelle. [wp2] But it’s a much more urgent and touching poem than almost all the villanelles I have read. Sad Girl Poems makes me never want to write a “good” poem again. Better write poems with sloppy and quivering bravery, then poems that would shrink into the dust without their overwritten imagery and formal pyrotechnics. In “Home,” the difficulty of the language to conform to formal expectations of the villanelle mirrors the way the queer homeless speaker staggers under the weight of the police state. “I’m broken like a wishbone,” the speaker tells us, and the same can be said of the form: it’s “broken like a wishbone,” which is to say violently.[1] By whom? Perhaps by the speaker themself, whose struggle to survive leaves them with broken dreams. More likely by the police, the reader, and anyone who reads the speaker as “criminal” and as something (definitely not as someone) that needs correcting. This first poem serves as a warning to all narrow-minded readers: Loma is a radical poet who will not conform the queer homeless experience to fit your limited formal and political expectations.

And thank god Loma does not conform. In the thirty-nine short pages of Sad Girl Poems, Loma narrates the story of a queer speaker who experiences homelessness and domestic violence all while struggling to come to terms with the suicide of their first lover, Rory. Rory haunts this chapbook, interrupting the speaker and forcing them to wrestle with their memory. The poet faces these challenges while swimming against the current of mainstream poetics, formally and politically. As a writer of color, I am fascinated by the way other writers of color maneuver themselves around their white audiences.[2] Loma confronts similar challenges in Sad Girl Poems head-on by tackling the white audience problem in the preface. “I won’t write narrative poems for white people,” Loma tells us. “I WON’T ALLOW MY NARRATIVE, MY HURT, MY SADNESS, & MY LIFE TO BE BOUGHT, SOLD, CONSUMED, & SHAT OUT (& never actually addressed).” As many writers of color know, that’s a hard standard to meet, maybe even impossible, but Loma does an amazing job counterattacking these problematic readers by challenging them before they even read the first poem and by asking all readers to donate to Ali Forney Center[3] and Black & Pink[4]. Please don’t bother reading the rest of this book review unless you’ve followed those links and given a piece of your extra cash to these very necessary organizations. 

Understanding Loma’s insistence on an active—even an activist—reading of their work is essential for understanding the poetics and the narrative arc of Sad Girl Poems. “I always wanted to be a sad white girl,” Loma laments in the opening sentence. They explain, they have always wanted a sadness people would mobilize for. A sadness worth an Amber alert. A sadness worth “a 1000 ships launched because we are missed”.[5] The sadness of “the sad girl”, a trope of resistance that usually only cis-white woman have access to. In Sad Girl Poems, Loma expands that trope to include people like them: Latinx (by way of El Salvador and Puerto Rico), gender non-conforming, queer, and much more. Loma does not write a sentimental sadness, but a sadness that becomes an unshakeable part of you and leaves you with no other choice but to fight for your life. Loma invites the activist reader to transform and embody this sadness, much the same way Rory comes to embody it. Loma tells us,

That night, after my father smashed / the television glass with his baseball / bat, I met Rory at the park…he felt my bruises as they became / a part of him.

 

Only in this way—by taking in the bruises of queer and homeless communities—can the reader stand in true solidarity with Loma.

            This centering of sadness, however, does not mean Loma provides an emotional landscape of queer and homeless life without any complexity. Throughout Sad Girl Poems, there are choking moments of happiness and gratitude, tenderness and tenacity. These moments are shattered and bruised, taken and incomplete, but they keep resurrecting, if briefly. Even in the bleakest moments, there is a memory, the ghost of a lover, a small joy haunting these poems. In “Those Sundays,” Loma tells us how Rory

watched me / undress & run through the ticking / sprinklers]. I fell beside him then. / beneath the maple tree. / & he saw my goosebumps from the cold.

 

What is this passage if not a moment of unabashed liberty and intimacy, a shard of joy? In “Crush a Pearl [Its Powder],” They continue,

We were so alive. My heart // a red cardinal // resting between two / Rib cages. Its wings expanding. Rory—

Here is a remix of a familiar trope, the caged bird that sings. There is a happiness, a liveliness here, imprisoned but still regaining its strength, resting, still eager to fly. Even in the last poem, “The Hatred of Happiness,” Loma tells us,

broken-boys can’t / make a proper home. Just listen to my chest. / One-thousand lovers are stuck inside me / Beating—thud, thud, thud, thud, thud.

Here, the speaker embodies the sadness of the broken-boys; they are his heart, beating. Loma imagines the speaker’s heart as the gay ghetto of heaven, a final home and resting place. There is more than just sadness in these lines: there is love, tenderness, and a small piece of salvation for all broken-boys—whose voices were silenced in life, in the trope of “the sad girl,” but given life here, in Loma’s chest, and maybe, in the reader’s as well. This decentering of happiness does not abandon happiness and gratitude altogether, but instead refocuses on sadness and empathy as a way of driving readers to awaken themselves to the pain of others and act.

            Loma asks their readers to act because they know poetry can only do so much to heal us, can only do so much to liberate us. In “Ars Poetica,” Loma mourns their dead lover Rory while confessing “this is such a useless fucking poem.”  They write these heart-wrenching, beautiful lines about Rory and about ultimately poetry—“I want everything to have a purpose— / the beak, the bones, the baby blue / vodka veins”—only to admit that “they mean nothing to me.” They spend a whole chapbook struggling through the death of Rory only to realize all the poems “are about me.” Here, like everywhere,[6] Loma gets especially vulnerable, acknowledging the limitations of art, an honest and suffocating move. Loma confesses poetry will not make Rory come back; hell, it might not even heal us. But poetry still enables us to awaken to the struggle of others, and in that way, it pushes the poet and reader forward to fight and heal in other ways—politically and personally. This move is one that aligns Loma’s work with poets from the Black Arts Movement and La Generación Comprometida, who understand a true political poetics must come with social justice activism in order to maintain its integrity.

            For those who don’t know the game, La Generación Comprometida was a political arts movement in El Salvador during the 1950s. The movement’s most iconic figure is Roque Dalton, a poet and guerrillero who died in a military conflict.[7] The only other thing I’ll say about him here is that he once was in jail, scheduled for execution because of his revolutionary work, and after praying to God in a moment of desperation, an earthquake freed him from the prison[8]—which is important because it shows Salvi poets are straight-up prophetic. I mention all of this because one of the most impressive things about Sad Girl Poems is how it interacts with Dalton’s work and what it means for Salvadoran poetics in the diaspora.[9] Of all the Salvi poets writing in English right now, Loma’s work feels most charged with the spirit of Roque Dalton, both in style and in activism: their writing shares a declarative style, a political surrealism, and an insistence on centering politics. Loma has carried on Dalton’s revolutionary ethic in literary communities by leading the UndocuPoets campaign, starting a literary journal for queer poets of color called Nepantla, and touring to end queer youth homelessness. Loma’s work is fighting to shake awake the literary world right now and foretells what powerful transformations can take place in our communities if only more Salvis are passed the mic. [wp3] 

On the page, Loma engages these Salvadoran poetics explicitly by riffing off of Dalton’s lines in a minor key. In “Myself When I’m Real,” the most playful and emotionally complex poem in the chapbook, Loma writes,

                        How dumb // we must have been—

 

                        To hold each other so frailly.

                        To hold anything at all—

 

The blue landscape of January days.

The taste of pan dulce—

 

“The blue landscape of January days” is a line Loma lifts and translates from Roque Dalton’s most iconic poem “Como tú” (in English, “Like You”).[10] “Como tú” can be read as the ars poetica not only of Dalton but La Generación Comprometida and many other circles of political poetry.[11] In “Como tú,” Dalton democratizes poetry by declaring poetry, like bread, is for everyone; “the blue landscape of January days” serves to connect the reader and poet through something they share in common: their enjoyment of love, life, and nature. In “Myself When I’m Real,” Loma revises this line by declaring the happiness derived from these January days “dumb.” This isn’t a dismissal of Dalton’s poetics though. In the same poem, Loma still tells us, “You’re the reason I live…/ You stumbled into me / [Again & again]”. Here, the “you” is either the lover or the reader, who Loma continues to hold on to, through thick and thin, no matter how dumb it is. This poem is tragic for the way it grapples with loss yet remains triumphant for the way the “you” and the speaker continually stumble into one another, refusing to let go. In Sad Girl Poems, the speaker may be heartbroken, homeless, battered, and bruised but they remain undefeated, possessing a chilling amount of grit and tenacity.

 Which brings me to the last poem, a poem that brutally ties together many of the themes we’ve been wrestling with so far. I have yet to read a collection whose last poem sucker-punched me as hard as Loma’s “The Hatred of Happiness”. After page after page of breathtaking vulnerability, after showing us their bruises and allowing us to take them on as our own, after we have fallen in love with Loma and all their tragicomedic wit and beauty, Loma tells us,

            …I’m drawing the curtains

           

            & asking you to leave. [I don’t want any visitors].

                        I don’t want you to love me. My porch

            lights are turned off. My doorbell won’t be

           

            answered. Do you understand?!

                                    If I had an ounce of happiness, or

            A bag of sugar, to give you—I would.

 

            But all I own are these little lips.

                        They kiss, then close [like the lid on

            A casket]. Please, let me die alone. 

 

After seeing the speaker struggle and fight so much, I wanted so badly for them to find redemption, a fulfillment that spits in the face of the world that has constantly tried to annihilate them. But Loma doesn’t let the reader go there with them. This is the most important move Sad Girl Poems makes. It doesn’t give the reader the satisfaction of having completed a masterful chapbook by a brilliant poet and finding in it hope and redemption. Instead, it pushes the reader away from the speaker and outside of the text to renegotiate their relationships to queer and homeless communities. It leaves us aching with this newfound pain and understanding. It leaves us ready to act.

This ending can be read as a suicide, where the speaker abandons the world that failed to love them and chooses to die. In this naturalistic ending, where the speaker is at the mercy of oppressive forces, the speaker closes their lips like a casket, silencing their voice, and kills themself, a fate far too many queer folk are forced to choose.

There are other readings of this ending, however; for those familiar with Dalton’s poetry, “Hatred of Happiness” reads like a riff of “Alta Hora De La Noche”, where Dalton asks his admirers to please not repeat his name after his death.[12] I have no doubt Dalton knew he was most likely going to die in the struggle for revolution. In this poem, he resists the urges of his readers to mythologize his life. “Don’t let your lips discover / my eleven letters,” Dalton asks us. “I’m sleepy, I loved, I have earned the silence.” Dalton like Loma asks the reader not to love him, to let him die alone. This move is important because it motivates the reader to act, rather than mourn or idolize the dead. How many people do you know that idolize MLK or Malcolm X but haven’t organized anything in their communities themselves? How many academics and writers do you know that spend their lives studying revolutionaries without bringing their work into their communities? Dalton and Loma don’t need your love, they need you to do the work. They need you to donate your money to important causes. They need you to fight homophobia and white supremacy in your communities. They need you to call out and transform institutions that oppress us. Without this pushing away, the poet risks having their readers finding themselves content with just reading something political and radical, rather than doing the work.

            Lastly, a careful reader will observe that Loma’s words in this last poem echo the words of the “homeless” woman in the penultimate poem “Home [Chaos Theory]” almost verbatim. “Home” is such a fraught concept in Sad Girl Poems: it is the site of domestic abuse, homophobia, and transphobia; it is the intimacy and warmth of Rory’s car; it is a gay ghetto; it is in Loma’s heart. In “Home [Chaos Theory]”, Loma deconstructs the meaning of home. One of its most powerful moments is when a police officer tells a “homeless” woman to move from her neighborhood and she tells him:

                                                                                                THIS IS MY HOME!

 

I HAVE LIVED HERE FOR OVER TWENTY YEARS.

                                                                                    I WILL NOT MOVE!!!

                       

I’M GOING TO DIE HERE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME DIE!!!![13]

 

Rather than being a suicide, Loma’s last poem can be read as an echo of this woman’s incredible resistance. Sad Girl Poems ends on Loma’s last stand, holding down the home they’ve created for themself, refusing to submit to the violence of the police officer or the reader, withholding from the reader the heart of a soul too sacred, too powerful for the rest of the world see.

[1] Interestingly, the whole snapping a wishbone tradition is a rather violent one with a history of colonialism. Etruscans used to pet wishbones while making wishes. After they were colonized by the Romans, the Romans stole the tradition and started fighting over the wishbones and snapping them, because that’s just what warmongers naturally tend to do apparently. For more, click here: http://www.republicofyoublog.com/fashion/origin-of-the-wishbone-tradition/

[2] Click here to read about review about how Natalie Scenters-Zapico deals with the white audience problem here: https://indianareview.org/2015/12/micro-review-natalie-scenters-zapicos-the-verging-cities/

[3] Donate here: https://aliforneycenter.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donate.general

[4] Donate here: https://secure.actblue.com/contribute/page/blackandpink

[5] This line is taken from “not an elegy for mike brown” by Danez Smith, a fellow queer POC poet. In this poem, Smith also draws attention to the way people react to POC pain versus white girl pain in the lines: “think: once, a white girl / was kidnapped & that’s the Trojan war. / later, up the block, Troy got shot / & that was Tuesday.” Click here for the complete poem:  http://www.splitthisrock.org/poetry-database/poem/not-an-elegy-for-mike-brown

 

[6] Except the last poem. We’ll talk more on that later.

[7] For more on Roque Dalton, click here: https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poet/roque-dalton

[8] Read Ernesto Cardenal’s description of the events here: http://www.uhmc.sunysb.edu/surgery/car-dalt.html

[9] This acknowledgement of Loma’s work isn’t intended to dismiss or minimize the work of other Salvi poets. Javier Zamora was a co-founder of the UndocuPoets campaign and Yesika Salgado is a huge voice in the body positivity and feminist scenes. Leticia Liñares-Hernandez’s entire professional and artistic repertoire is based on serving POC communities. Jose B. Gonzalez is well-known for his work building bridges to higher education for Latinos. Each of these poets write amazing poems and do amazing work. My point here is more of a question of style.  

[10] For the complete poem in English and Spanish, click here: http://www.telesurtv.net/english/analysis/Roque-Dalton---a-Great-of-Latin-American-Poetry-20150511-0031.html

[11] In fact, Martín Espada lifts another line from the poem for the title of an anthology of mostly Latin American and Latinx political poetry, Poetry Like Bread: Poets of the Political Imagination from Curbstone Press.

[12] I have no idea whether Loma is aware of “Alta Hora De La Noche”, but that’s irrelevant. Dalton and Loma’s politics coincide enough that this parallel could have happened naturally. Reader, do yourself a favor and check out this kick-ass poem: http://bombmagazine.org/article/1121/three-poems

[13] I omitted parts of this quotation for concision in my argument. Please buy Sad Girl Poems and read the poem without my adulterations.

 [wp1]The intro makes less sense to me without this line.

 [wp2]I think this clarifies what I am trying to say, but I’m worried about it being read as harsh or insensitive. In the poem, the first lines of the poem the speaker is sucking dick for rent. What I am trying to do is set up a defense for this poem against readers who would critique its bluntness. Is that working? Or am I merely replicating the problematic reading?

 [wp3]I’m invested in keeping this for contextual reasons and visibility reasons. The history of Latinx/Latin American poetry, especially Central American, gets short-changed a lot. We gotta take advantage of spaces we are given to tell our stories. Plus, there’s only so much of it I can summarize before the context loses its meaning.

Unaccompanied / Javier Zamora / 2017

Unaccompanied (Copper Canyon Press, 2017) by Javier Zamora

On Tuesday, September 5th, 2017, Copper Canyon Press released Unaccompanied, Javier Zamora’s long-awaited first full-length collection of poetry. Unaccompanied chronicles Zamora’s journey to the US from El Salvador alone as a nine-year-old and his family’s experience with war and migration. On the exact same day, Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced the elimination of the DACA program, an executive order that gave 800,000 young undocumented immigrants like Zamora the ability to work and drive legally and live with a less imminent fear of deportation. United We Dream, a national youth-led immigrants’ rights organization, has framed the elimination of DACA as a plan for mass deportation.

I am writing this review in between texting two undocumented students worried about losing over 10k worth of scholarships through no fault of their own. I am writing this review after returning from El Salvador for the first time in five years, a gigantic privilege that has put my finger on the pulse of many of the traumas still afflicting my family. I cannot imagine the confusing concoction of emotion Zamora may have felt that Tuesday—the culmination and celebration of years’ worth of work put into his collection of poetry and the jarring reminder that there is a team of powerful white supremacists constantly scheming to make life more humiliating and insufferable for immigrants in this country. The alignment of the publication of Unaccompanied and the elimination of DACA is so fucked up it feels divine. There could not be a clearer sign from God that Javier Zamora is the poet chosen to do this work of taking immigrant narratives back from the hands of white supremacists. Understand, Zamora is one of a small handful of Salvadoran writers represented in US literary circles. He is the only major undocumented Salvadoran poet in the United States.            

“Today, this country / chose its first black president,” the poet states in “To Abuelita Neli,” the first poem in Unaccompanied. “Maybe he changes things.” In the era of Trump, it is impossible to utter those words without an overwhelming sense of futility. We all already know how this collection ends: “nothing has changed,” he tells us. He didn’t get papers, Obama deported more immigrants than any other president in history, and gangsters and police officers still blow one another’s brains out like birthday candles on the streets of Salvador.

 Yet I would be terribly amiss to declare the tone of this collection fatalistic. Perhaps the spirit of Unaccompanied is best encapsulated by the poem printed on the back of the collection, “Let Me Try Again”: “I could bore you with the sunset, the way water tasted / after so many days without it,” Zamora tells us in the voice of someone who has heard this story, who has told this story too many times. Gone are any attempts to sentimentalize the experiences of immigrants as something extraordinary. Gone are any attempts to dissect the complexity of the experience into something consumable for citizens, into something legislators can politicize, into anything with a falsely happy ending to comfort those unwilling to look truth in the eye.

The best word I have to describe the emotional relentlessness of the collection, the unwillingness of its characters to surrender against the most absurd odds is faith—a word wholly inadequate and inappropriate for its religious baggage and sentimentalism. But we need a word for those who risk everything, who almost die attempting to cross the border numerous times, yet “try again / and again, / like everyone does.” We need a word for the fathers who “still [carry] unopened water bottles,” for the tias who keep “looking at stranger’s left feet / to see if the big toe and the two next to that are missing” in the infinite, in the infinitesimal chance they find their long-lost brother, disappeared by the military decades past. This faith need not come with romanticized illusions of what could be; it need not come with dramatic posturing in the face of oppression. It merely comes with the understanding that come what may, our communities will keep trudging forward, will keep trying, like we always have. As Hanif Abdurraqib would say, they can’t kill us until they kill us.

            “To Abuelita Neli” brings to focus a question I hope everyone brings with them as they enter poetry collections, namely “who is this written for?” The first poems of a collection set the tone and expectations for the rest of the book, and in “To Abuelita Neli,” Zamora gives the reader the uncanny feeling of eavesdropping on someone else’s family business, in the College Dropout sense of the word. As the Acknowledgments at the end of the book and in Spanish make clear, Unaccompanied is primarily intended for Zamora’s family. Months ago, Zamora confided to me and others that now that the book is out there, he is unsure how comfortable he is sharing such intimate experiences with certain audiences, and I understand what he means. Such experiences are usually only shared behind closed doors. There’s the risk of exposing yourself to those who may be consuming your experience voyeuristically, who see you at most as an artistic object and not a human being, especially as a minoritized writer.

“To Abuelita Neli,” on the other hand, is paralleled a few pages later with the one and only other direct address poem in Unaccompanied, this time “To the President Elect.” Unaccompanied inevitably hovers somewhere within the complicated space between the private and the political. Elsewhere, Zamora tells us, “Whatever you do, / don’t judge my home,” keeping one eye on those who would misread his work, on those who would reduce El Salvador to nothing but a war-torn third-world ghetto. Zamora wraps up “To Abuelita Neli” in one of the boldest ways possible, immediately putting his doubters in their place in the closing lines, where he states,

 

my old friends think that now I’m from some town

between this bay and our estero. And that I’m a coconut:  

brown on the outside, white inside. Abuelita, please  

forgive me, but tell them, they don’t know shit.

 

Like his old friends, many of Zamora’s readers don’t know shit—about El Salvador, about what it means to be undocumented, about what it meant for him to be undocumented. May everyone enter Unaccompanied with the utmost care, may everyone enter ready to listen, and when necessary, to do their homework.

            Javier Zamora navigates his audiences expertly, strategically putting up barriers against outsiders, while at the same time sharing some of the most intimate moments of his life. In the third poem of the collection, “from The Book I Made with a Counselor the First Week of School,” Zamora’s parents tell him, “always look gringos in the eyes” and “never tell them everything, but smile, always smile” (8). Stylistically, this collection will always look you in the eye. It will craft a scene for you in careful, plainspoken language, but it will not spell out its truth for you. If you are unaware of the intimate details of migration or of El Salvador’s history and culture, there are certain passages that might take a little research to unpack.

Read “Cassette Tapes,” for example, a poem with an A side and a B side that >>’s forward and <<’s back in a timeline of Zamora’s migration experience and explores the ways distance has strained relationships with family. In the poem, the poet narrates his experiences in a straightforward, easy-to-access fashion: he looks you in the eye. The form of the poem, however, probably doesn’t mean much to you unless you know that family members in the United States sent cassette tapes to their loved ones back in El Salvador. Zamora explains it best himself in an interview with Granta.

The truth is, I don’t know what it would mean to read Unaccompanied as a reader who does not have any undocumented family. My own family history complicates my reading. Certain poems nuzzle up to me fondly, others attack me. For me, the form of “Cassette Tapes” invokes the video tape Mama made for Abuelita when we were children. Mama wore her best clothes, and we set up the camera for her, so Abuela could see how well she was doing, so she could simply see her after almost a decade of distance between them. Now that Abuela is dead, this tape is one of the few mementos we have of our relationship with my Abuela. Despite the trauma in the poem, the form evokes longing and warmth.

The fourth section of the last poem, “June 10, 1999,” named after the date Zamora arrived to the United States is a poem I cannot touch without the fire of my own family baggage coming to get me. In it, Zamora confronts his parents for not knowing how difficult his migration to the United States would be.

 

she says Coyote said,  

I’ll carry him to your front door myself Pati

she didn’t know 110 degrees  

when like Colorado River toads

we slid under bushes.

 

Zamora forgives his mother in the last lines of this section, saying, “you couldn’t have known this would happen / Mom / you couldn’t have / no es su culpa / no lo es.” After my first time reading this poem, I was ripped open with rage. “You should have known!” I cried from the hurt, protective part of my psyche. “You should never send across a child without an older family member to protect them,” I cried helplessly, knowing full-well crossing the border is always a crapshoot, how much you suffer has barely anything to do with how much money you spend or how “trusted” the coyote is. Some pay thousands more and get robbed. Some pay thousands less and get across with few issues. Here, I put Unaccompanied down and did the complicated work of processing and forgiving. Immigrant families so often have only the worst options to choose from, yet we still harbor so much blame, guilt, and bitterness towards those who did everything they could to love us right.   

And this is the most important work Zamora’s collection makes possible: his poems bring to light and give voice to the experiences of Central American immigrants too often kept silenced in the shadows. By finding the language to describe the hardships of the Salvadoran Civil War, the nightmares of migration that seem to plague all Salvadorans, Zamora has begun the process of healing deep emotional scars. The barbwire crosshatched across our souls. The thirst no water could calm. We can begin to process what it means to grow up in a family shaped by war. We can begin to understand the reasons our parents migrated North. We can begin to forgive our family for all ways they have failed us. And so, begin again.

Rummage / Ife-Chudeni O. Aputa / 2017

Rummage (Little A, 2017) by Ife-Chudeni O. Aputa

“Brave” is a word commonly overused when describing contemporary poetry, but in regards to Ife-Chudeni A. Oputa’s debut collection Rummage, “brave” is an understatement. Rummage is not a book of easy answers. “For me, the poem is not for a space to make arguments or come to definitive answers or full stops,” Oputa told Pen America in a 2017 interview. “For me, the poem is a space for questioning, exploration, and sitting with the unknown.” True to her word, Oputa’s explorations of desire, heartbreak, and trauma do not shy away from the truth for the sake of the speaker or the reader. Rummage challenges readers to create space for a speaker who has wrestled with violence and has not always left the mat blameless.

But in this ugliness, Oputa continually finds grace. “Ode to Shame” and “Kwansaba for my Mother” are particularly stunning for their ability to draw strength and wisdom from some of the speaker’s most debilitating moments. Both the ode and the kwansaba are poems of praise, and in both cases, emerge from events many do not find survivable, much less praiseworthy. In “Ode to Shame,” the speaker asks Shame for forgiveness for all the harm she’s done in its name.

I wanted

to be a weapon, a forest, a city that burns 

one hundred degrees and more

and never turns to ash. (4)

 

These lines precisely describe the agony of shame and the hunger for self-punishment and vengeance that come with it. In “Ode to Shame,” shame may not be completely expelled or overcome, but by acknowledging the ways we misuse shame to hurt ourselves and others and by refusing to continue to do so, its harm is limited and its lessons are accepted. As the first poem in Rummage, “Ode to Shame” sets up the collection as one ready to work through whatever shame has to offer without letting it consume the speaker.

Sometimes this shame is relinquished, sometime it sits fierce but surmountable at the bottom of the page, sometimes it passes, and other times, it is bonding. A kwansaba is an African American form that celebrates family written in seven lines with seven words each where no word exceeds seven letters. In “Kwansaba for my Mother,” for example, Oputa describes a moment where the mother’s body is violated in front of the speaker. The title of the poem sets us up to expect a warm, heartfelt poem about the mother and the body of the poem reverses those expectations and asks the reader, what does it mean to try to find meaning in these moments of harm? If read as a traditional kwansaba—that is, if we attempt to read the poem in search of something to praise or be grateful for—the title would seem to exult the mother for her strength to overcome the harrowing ordeal, and likewise, the last line would seem to celebrate the mother and the speaker for their joint survival. “My heart glows dark with our silence,” the speaker tells us (emphasis mine, 9). The silence here seems to bond the speaker and mother, a secret kept and disclosed with care, a heart that witnesses and burns heavy with its empathy. For many communities of survivors, silence and isolation are shared experiences, ones that Oputa masterfully uses to build spaces of sharing and understanding. Oputa’s work honors the sacrifices and losses too often kept silenced for survival, and in doing so, she makes the celebration of survival possible.

Oputa’s kwansaba is in direct conversation with one of the greatest contemporary poets to ever touch the pen: Lucille Clifton. In Clifton’s tenth collection, Mercy, the title poem discusses another sexual assault in terms of mercy, gratitude, and fury with a form as compact as a kwansaba. Oputa’s kwansaba asks us as many difficult questions as Clifton’s short poem. For Oputa to gift the reader a poem with the concision, the precision, and the brutal wisdom of Clifton’s “Mercy” in their debut collection is a testament of her poetic prowess and promise.  

The measure of any collection of poetry is its ability to give words to the unsayable. In Rummage, different silences haunt the collection like a web. As if in perfect symmetry, the only other word that seems to appear as frequently as “silence” is “mouth.” Throughout Rummage, the speaker’s mouth violates and is violated. It is the place in which a group of bullies can “disappear” to escape punishment (11). And it is also the vehicle through which some of the power of these violations can be undone. Oputa’s caliber as a poet is proven by her ability to confront these silences and siding with the truth, no matter how harrowing.

If to “rummage” means to make a clumsy search through a subject, Oputa’s collection is so carefully knitted it undercuts the title. Each of its sections are tightly focused, weaving layers of meaning that make the poems remain fresh with each new read. And as if Oputa’s lush language wasn’t enough to hypnotize any reader, the collection also features two long poems (including one cutthroat contrapuntal and something I want to call a quadruple sestina) which could kick the legs out from beneath even the most seasoned poets.

The word “rummage” appears only once throughout the collection: In “Portrait of Memory with Shadow,” the speaker is a collective of seven-year-old girls who take turns straddling and kissing a smaller and reluctant seven-year-old boy, hidden from his mother: “He learned obedience swiftly, / parted his lips and let us rummage” (11). The title of the collection thereby directs us to one of the speaker’s most searing moments of shame and references the way love and sexuality warp throughout the collection.

The second poem of the collection, “We are sitting around discussing our shame,” features another haunting confession of youthful sexual trespass. In this way, Rummage does not feign to be something it is not. After the cathartic “Ode to Shame,” where the speaker provides the reader with a healthier approach to shame, the mettle of this approach is put to the test. By the second poem, you know what sort of collection you are stepping into: a collection brave enough to present shameful acts for discussion in an attempt to overcome them.

Both “Portrait of Memory with Shadow’ and “We are sitting around discussing our shame” fill me with fear. I fear for those harmed by similar violences, and also, I fear for the speaker. Through experience and conversation, I know moments of maladroit sexuality in childhood are not unusual, but at a time where there’s a general expectation for narratives to be ethically seamless, I fear these confessions will be shouted back down into silence, where they will fester and go unaddressed. For me, these two poems were healing, if only for the reminder that I’m not alone in being forced to muddle through similar shades of violence throughout childhood.  

I want to live in a world where the forms of shame discussed in Rummage are not silenced, where the confessions of Oputa’s speaker can be met with something other than social death. Throughout the collection, the arc of each gut-dropping section resolves with a form of community, a form of self-knowledge, or another form of care, where the isolation of shame is vanquished, where vulnerability is rewarded with a certain kind of peace. Search and the diligent reader of Rummage will find a “version of you not as loneliness, but better—… a new myth all your own” (53).

After spending three days in the hospital after almost attempting suicide, I did not expect to ever find a piece of writing that could gracefully encompass the extent of the shame and heartache I felt and continue to feel because of my own traumas. Sometime in February, I opened the collection once again on the bus and became so absorbed not only did I miss my stop, by the time I looked up the bus had completed its route and I was back at home again, the book of poems trembling in my hands. In March, I learned one of my most important friends had killed herself. A victim of many of the same violences described in Rummage, I wish I could have shared the collection with her to offer her a small piece of the relief and salvation Rummage gave me. Thank you, Oputa, for giving me a collection to help me work my way through my own pain and forgiveness. Rummage has been my balm, my salve, a buoy for when the storm threatens to drown me.

The Secret Room: A String Quartet / Kazim Ali / 2017

The Secret Room: A String Quartet (Kaya Press, 2017) by Kazim Ali.

 

Presented as a novel written as a musical score for a string quartet, The Secret Room by Kazim Ali follows four characters as they navigate a numbing onslaught of longing and frost, death and red lights. Each story is told simultaneously, as if each voice were a different instrument on a musical score. If read as a traditional novel, the reader will alternate between two or more voices in most of the sections. Part contrapuntal, part free-form lyric narrative, the novel may not always read seamlessly in a traditional front-to-back manner, but the poetic connections and tensions make each page erupt with meanings and emotional nuances. The Secret Room is a book I revel returning to because of the deftness with which Ali exploits the potential of this one-of-a-kind form.

Take this excerpt from the introductory section of the novel, for example, aptly titled “theme.” The first voice and protagonist of Ali’s novel-in-verse is Sonia Chang. Sonia is a concert violinist, one of those majestically disciplined people who practices for hours, lost in darkening rooms, swallowed within an intimacy unknown to an unfortunate majority of us. Here, Ali provides a glimpse into her devoted practice. The rewards of her dedicated meditation are described in language that evokes both the spiritual and erotic, in the Platonic and carnal senses. If we read Chang’s voice in isolation, it reads like this:

 

She has never felt in her life / this way: / when music fills her / she feels lost. / And filled. / Remember the temple-pools. / She’s adrift now / halfway between sleep and the sound of ocean. / How can she open her self to the sky— / It’s a delirium, she thinks. / It’s a sort of fever (19-20)

 

On the page, however, Chang’s story is intertwined with the stories of three other characters, as in this image of page 19. Positioned as the opening notes of Ali’s string quartet, the quoted description of Sonia’s practice serves as a sort of ars poetica to The Secret Room’s biochemistry. Like much music, Ali’s The Secret Room has the power to make you feel lost and full at the same time. Voices interlock and slip away deliriously. Even when you cannot outline the exact shape of the narrative’s geometry, you will feel it. It’s not that Ali’s string quartet lacks structure or obscures itself through imprecision. Each narrative is told clearly on an individual level and combine to create one unified voice. Rather, the experience of shifting from voice-to-voice so swept me away in the swell and tide of the music that the traditional expectations of linear forms and plotlines became subordinate to the demands of lyric and prayer.

I realize this image in isolation can make the novel seem labyrinthine. I confess, I flipped through the first twenty pages of the introductory “theme” five times over: four times following one of the four protagonists in isolation and a final time reading them all together. If this sounds tedious, it wasn’t. First of all, this didn’t amount to much reading because each character only has four lines per page at most. More importantly, however, Ali’s sense of rhythm and tension is so keen it was absolutely captivating. After developing a familiarity for the voice and the narrative conflict of each individual character, it became not only easy to follow if I read them altogether, but magical. In the same image from page 19, for example, Chang’s voice combines with the voices of Rizwan Syed, a yoga instructor. When music makes Chang “[feel] lost. / And filled,” and she “[r]emembers the temple pools,” Syed’s section follows with a resonant description of the practice of yoga: “In these quiet moments the empty spaces of silence open wider still.”  A few lines down, when Chang is “adrift now / halfway between sleep and the sound ocean,” Syed recalls, “the “Temple-pool” position” where “students breathe, become bowls.” Ali has not merely placed four different narratives side-by-side. He has arranged them so they parallel and contradict one another, so sentences almost flow completely into one another.

There is little doubt that this potentially intimidating form has limited The Secret Room’s readership. Of the three scanty reviews online (two of which are less than 120 words and on Goodreads), each points to its formal innovation as a sort of deformity, an experimental fetish “not for everyone,” lauded with five stars but noted as a deterrent. It wounds me to see such painstaking craftsmanship and poetic form dismissed by some readers, as works of literature that marry form and content so masterfully are so rare. 

Genre and reception aside, The Secret Room’s value lies not merely in its undeniable technical brilliance, but in the heart of its concerns: each character struggles to create meaning in a life severed from their mother country, spurred by the demands of two, at times diametrically opposed, cultures. With the focus and exertion of a true artist, Sonia Chang prepares for her upcoming concert, “suspended against logic and her fear” (115). Meanwhile, Rizwan Syed, a yoga teacher and aging bachelor, is broken by the death of family members; years of isolation, cultural disconnection, and familial alienation flood in, forcing him to break his personal silences. Jody Merchant, on the other hand, is a social worker whose life beyond the redundant labor of motherhood and her career has come to a halt; like the traffic, it is “nearly unmoving,” as Merchant struggles to rekindle her faded passions (25). Lastly, Pratap Patel grapples with the trauma of losing his younger brother to cancer as a child in India and the paradoxical meaninglessness of his successful life in New York.

Each character must exchange a pound of their souls for survival. Sonia gives up on her dreams of traveling to Kerala and studying South Indian classical music; Jody abandons her name; Rizwan does not speak to his family for years; and Pratap chooses to bear his burdens alone, alienating even his wife. In this way, The Secret Room models and undermines a variety of strategies for healing—from death, from burnout, from migration. Just as Patel begins finding solace in yoga, for example, Syed begins to feel disenchanted with the practice. Ali’s genius lies in the way he shows that each of these fragmented narratives and shattered lives is connected, pulled together and parallel like the strings of a violin. Images from one voice will reappear inverted in another. Characters encounter one another in surprising ways, revealing the intimacy possible within a yoga studio or concert hall, the lightyears between people in the same offices and beds.

Ali has one of those voices that can make the most complex compositions feel lucid. And he manages it all while chiseling jaw-dropping lines that can stand alone, no form or narrative necessary. For the past weeks, I have walked around the following line like a sculpture in mind: “At some point in the barely seen seam between noon and Sonia, a bell rings” (68). Readers will undoubtedly feel their own lives braid into the threads of each narrative until there is no seam between them and Jody’s utter devastation. Until there is no seam between the reader and Pratap’s salvation.

 

 

Tracing the Horse / Diana Marie Delgado / 2019

Tracing the Horse (BOA Editions, September 2019) by Diana Marie Delgado

 

I had the blessing of reading multiple drafts of Tracing the Horse, the debut collection by Californian poet and playwright Diana Marie Delgado. There are few creatures as strong and majestic as horses. One of the most important things I know about horses in the United States, however, is that they belong to people who have way more money than Diane Delgado and me. In Delgado’s work, desire is a horse.

We first see these horses in “The Sea is Farther Than Thought,” a poem that contemplates distance and failure: “As a girl I kept suede horses / and a hairbrush inside a blond toy-box… / I kneeled every time I opened it” (19). The horses here can be read as an escape from the tumultuous environment surrounding the young girl. The girl’s kneeling almost gives the horses a sense of reverence. I also cannot help associating the horses with whiteness because of the color of the toy-box.  In “The Kind of Light I Give Off Isn’t Going to Last,” the horses become a symbol for jealousy when an estranged lover’s girlfriend has horses: “I was jealous. His girlfriend had horses (and what girl doesn’t want to come home and ride horses?)” (36). Given the fact the girlfriend can afford horses, I’m also willing to bet she’s white. Later on, the prose poem “Horses on the Radio” likewise associates horses with troubled gender dynamics in heterosexual romantic relationships (39).

Perhaps the most significant mention of horses in the entire collection, however, comes from the title poem, “Tracing the Horse”: “Maybe Mom’s the horse / because aren’t horses beautiful, / can’t they kill a man if spooked?” (23). Here, the horse signals not only womanly beauty, but also womanly strength and resistance against patriarchal violence. This assortment of horse images suggests that in Tracing the Horse horses can symbolize an idealized womanhood: one that manages to be strong, beautiful, and desirable and also one able to make itself invulnerable to the racism and machismo surrounding it. As the title of this poem and collection suggests, however, the speaker in these poems can only trace this womanhood, never quite making it incarnate.

“I like the lady horses best / how they make it all look easy,” beams Ada Limón in “How to Triumph Like a Girl,” one of the United States’ most beloved poems. Limón’s poem is one of the many examples of what prize-winning Salvadoran writer Alejandro Córdova called US poets’ Beyoncé complex. Our chest-thumping poetics of triumph, our intoxicating performances of survival, and especially our expectations of flawless womanhood. As Córdova and I zigzagged through the streets of San Salvador on his moto, we jabbed about how much we admired and emulated such fiery spunk and clapback. The high of its freedom. To be unbothered, your power undeniable. But survival rarely looks like it does in the Grammys. I listened to Lemonade every day for at least a year, but I lived “Amiga,” one of the short prose poems from Tracing the Horse:

 

We were in front of Kmart when I called your boyfriend

an asshole for beating you up and you told me if I said

anything bad about him again, you’d never speak to me.

 

Here, there are no baseball bats against the windshield, no goddess-like vengeance against the men who harmed you—there’s not even a hint of accountability. Neither the vengeance and healing found in Lemonade, nor the ease and swag of Limón’s poem are possible for Delgado’s speaker.

Tracing the Horse is cut with similar snapshots of life in La Puente, California. Throughout the collection, Delgado shows us images of the city’s want: lines where mothers wait with their children for free cheese and butter, dumpsters where cousins are caught smooching, churches where boys have so much light “plants grow towards them” (18). We find traces of her father’s addiction to heroin—another stupefying horse. One of the greatest blessings of this collection is that we as readers get to witness the speaker grow into their own in this sometimes treacherous community. “I’m older / no longer afraid / my voice, water / from a well,” says the speaker near the end of “Bridge Called Water,” a poem that captures the loss in a breaking home (33). In “Lucky You,” Delgado gifts us one of the tenderest love poems, made all the more touching by the men it has survived. In three swift sections, Delgado paints us an alternative model of survival, a sort of coming-of-age story for a young woman who never had the luxury of being young.

One of the most impressive aspects of Tracing the Horse is Delgado’s ability to create moments of intimacy across distance. In “Correspondence,” Delgado gives readers a glimpse at the adolescent snail mail between her and her brother while he was incarcerated: “Remember when the yard froze / white and Mom tied plastic over our shoes?” (54). Here, it is Delgado’s words that serve as the plastic, the fragile barrier between a loved one and the cold. “I hope you get this letter / before lights out… or have you learned to read in the dark?” writes Delgado as a touching signoff to her brother (54). Tracing the Horse is collection for those who—through necessity—learned how to read in the dark, for those who must carve moments of intimacy through the bars of a jail cell or through the walls at the border.

It may be useful to delineate Delgado’s strengths as a poet by comparing her to another woman of color poet of equal strength who writes in similar veins. In When My Brother Was An Aztec, Natalie Diaz draws scorching supernatural imagery of a drug-addled brother, all laden in metaphor and delivered with breathtaking shifts in form and virtuoso. Diaz’s work cuts like a knife. In Tracing the Horse, Delgado does not adorn her language in spectacular metaphor or braided forms; she provides snapshot after snapshot of her neighborhood and its mundane violence in a language cut clean to the bone, the glistening skeleton of a horse. You would have to look far and wide to find another collection published recently as concise, blunt, and evocative as Tracing the Horse. Particularly effective is Delgado’s use of the prose poem for short difficult scenes, where the reader is asked to grapple with the violence ubiquitous in our communities.  Delgado’s work hits like a hammer. When you read Diaz, you are listening to a calculated, dagger-eyed wordsmith. When you read Delgado, you are listening to a homegirl talk to you on her front porch on a summer night with too many moths, holding a near-empty can of cerveza. Delgado’s poetry is a phone call with a friend you have not talked to in over a year, whose voice tells you as much as her story.

This is what I admire most about Delgado’s work: her poems have no pretensions. It paints survival in colors I can recognize. There are no fireworks, no epiphanies, no awards for making it through the grisliest years of your life. Delgado knows survival does not make you special. Her collection traces the horses of her youth, the stampedes that trampled many.

3 Children's Books: Call Me Max / Carl and the Meaning of Life / Julian is a Mermaid.

Julian is a Mermaid / Jessica Love / 2018

One of Utah’s banned books, I expected a spicier narrative from Julian is a Mermaid. Spoiler Alert, here is the entire plot: a young Black takes down a shower curtain and pretends to be a mermaid. His mother catches him and thinks it’s kinda weird, but later takes him to where there are other mermaids who vaguely resemble drag queens. That’s it. Most of it is expressed visually. There is no explicit gender play besides some mild gender non-conforming but completely normal behavior for a young boy. I loved the rich and tender visuals sure to bring out your inner femme. Nathan was surprised by how shortness of the book but enjoyed the visuals. He wants to be a mermaid, too. 5/5

Carl and the Meaning of Life / Deborah Freedman / 2019

I am always surprised what books Nathan and Chino grab. Carl is a worm going through an existential crisis after a bug asks him why he eats and poops dirt. Carl goes about asking all the creatures about his purpose and being dissatisfied by their answers until he realizes he is an important part of the ecosystem and everything would collapse without him. The art was rich and humble as dirt. 5/5

Call Me Max / Kyle Lukoff / 2019

This is the banned book at the center of the Murray school district scandal in 2019. The book includes the definition of transgender and dares to depict the stress that trans children undergo when they can’t find a bathroom that fits or otherwise have gender imposed on them. I read the book with an eight-year-old and they could reiterate what it meant to be trans to me afterward. This book is at times clearly didactic and includes scenes that are perhaps not crucial to the storyline but provide an illuminating moment on gender. The particle scene that irked me a bit in this regard is when the white protagonist meets a gender non-conforming lack boy in a dress who tells him clothes isn’t what makes gender. The Black character isn’t given anymore airtime which feels weird because Max clearly already undergoes bullying for his behavior and he’s less of a target than a Black boy in a dress for sure. 4/5

I recommend each of these titles for folks interested in children’s literature with substance or with LGBTQ+ themes.